Leonardo DiCaprio and Ridley Scott Try the Soma

Back to the Future: Ridley Scott and Leonardo DiCaprio will direct and star in a movie adaptation of Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, about a utopian future in which state-encouraged orgies and drug-taking are the norm. Also, children are born and raised in hatcheries and conditioning centers, so you’ll never find a crying baby in your movie theater or airplane. DiCaprio will likely play Bernard, the guy who tries to screw things up for everybody. [Risky Biz Blog/HR]

Who?: Because even after Taken there are still a few thick Americans not yet aware of the dangers of traveling abroad, Liam Neeson is in discussions to play the lead in Unknown White Male, about a doctor who goes to Berlin, gets in a car accident, wakes up from a coma to find that his wife doesn’t recognize him and that another man has assumed his identity, and then systematically karate chops everyone in Germany in the face to death. [BFDealmemo/Variety]

Om: Laura Dern will star in HBO’s Enlightened, a single-camera comedy series to be written by Mike White. The show will follow a self-destructive woman who has a spiritual awakening, but continues to cause problems at home, at work, and in Jurassic Park sequels. [HR]

Punching In: Lucy Punch is close to a deal to star in the Jay Roach–helmed Dinner for Schmucks with Paul Rudd and Steve Carell. The plot centers on some pathetic guy who attends another man’s weekly dinner party — with amusing results. [HR]

Build Me Up: Whale Rider director Niki Caro will direct Buttercup, a dramedy about a middle-aged man who attempts get his life back on track after the death of his wife. His plight will be compounded by the obnoxious repetition of a certain Foundations song on the soundtrack. [HR]

No Peeking: The Daily Show’s John Oliver and Rory Albanese have signed a blind script deal with Paramount, meaning, Oliver explains, “they have to physically close their eyes and keep them closed between now and whenever we deliver the final script. That way, when they eventually open them, they will either be pleasantly surprised or throw themselves out of the window.” [HR]

MJ Live AEG and Columbia Pictures have made a deal to turn footage of an emaciated, sedated, and exhausted Michael Jackson rehearsing for his “This Is It” tour into a movie. Pending approval from a Los Angeles Superior Court judge, Columbia will pay $60 million, of which 90 percent will go to Jackson’s estate and the rest to AEG. Then they’ll slap this thing together and release it around Halloween in a way we’re sure will be completely tasteful and not at all creepy or macabre. [HR]

Mynysyrys: Bryan Singer is partnering with Syfy to direct a still-untitled six-hour mini-series on the Mayan calender and the end of the world. The network reportedly enjoyed his work on Vylkyrye. [HR]

The 478-Year-Old Virgin: Joe Eszterhas has been hired to write the screenplay for a movie about the mystical 1531 sighting of a hoo-ha the Virgin Mary in Mexico City. [HR]