Rescue Me: A Real Tease

Rescue Me

Season 5 Episode 19

Like Kelly McPhee, this episode was a total tease. At first it seemed like not much happened: Lou stood up to Tommy — and immediately covered his tracks. Needles got Franco to agree to the upcoming “lesbo fight” (though of course not using that exact terminology). And Janet didn’t even show up! But all that seems like the calm before the storm. Will Lou and Candy make it? What’s in Kelly’s box? And who will Tommy choose? Three more episodes this season, and Tommy finally has to make some decisions — so this week, the supporting cast acted the part of Greek chorus, throwing some truths in his face.

Tommy: “So I’m the asshole here? Because I
deen, in all my asshole-ishness, to tell my friend the goddamn truth?”
Lou: “
Deign, not ‘deen.’ ‘Deign to tell me the truth.’ You lean down from your perch on high to whisper the truth to all your merry little minions. All the asshole fools that make up the kingdom of Tommy the Great.”
My, how impending marriage has brought out Lou’s bitter side! After bluntly identifying Tommy’s cardinal sin (see “Tommy”), the two get into an all-out brawl — one in which, we’re surprised to say, it appears Lou is winning. We’re proud of our rotund friend until the fight breaks up and he applauds Tommy for sleeping with Sheila, a.k.a. the show’s biggest writing cop-out.

Lou: “Thou shalt not steal; that’s the commandment Candy broke. Thou shalt not covet they neighbor’s wife; that’s the one you broke. She did it to pay the rent. You did it just to get your goddamned rocks off.”

It’s a continuation of Lou’s later dampened tirade, but the blown-away look on Tommy’s face afterward tells us he’s finally been hit with a dose of reality: He can blame 9/11 all he wants, but when it comes down to it, he’s been cheating on his wife for a long time. We just hope he remembers the next time Sheila needs a plumbing repair.

Tommy: “My wife is not divorcing me because of any … sexual … things.”
Kelly: “No, she’s divorcing you because you’re a lying, cheating alcoholic. Mike told me right before he sang his little song.”

Mike is singing to her in bed, Damian is reduced to a puddle, and even Tommy seems daunted when she’s ready to go shot for shot in a tequila race. We think Sheila may finally be onto something in her analysis of Kelly: “She looks like me, she’s crazy, which I happen to know you like, and she drinks like a fish. Let me guess: You met up with a genie on the street and he granted you three wishes?”

Sheila: “All this shit that we’ve been through, we can just keep it at bay by having a good time. Don’t we have a good time? We drink, we kiss, we screw, and we survive.”
Revelation! Jimmy had an affair the year before he died! With a mystery woman — who we have a weird, weird feeling might be Janet, what with the sad, silent expression on his face at episode’s end. Sheila clearly feels like she has a clean slate at this point, and she’s tempting Tommy with one (what with the whole “drink and screw and forget the past” deal) — which makes her a more potent weapon against Janet.

Rescue Me: A Real Tease