Weeds: A Crying Shane


Suck ‘N’ Spit
Season 5 Episode 9

She’s exhausted, gassy, and engorged, but our domestic goddess is back. Babies have a way of forcing normalcy on even the least normal of folks. “Normal brother, sister-in-law, sharing a house and a bed together, raising a Mexican-American child,” Uncle Andy declares. “Exactly,” says Nancy. “Which means masturbating on our own time.”

Love in the modern age: As Esteban’s she-devil adviser points out, “it hardly seems worth it.” Nevertheless, she sets Esteban up with another gorgeous Mexican woman who knows all the right people, wears the right clothes, says all the right things. Still, Esteban is moping, drinking in the afternoon, fuming about his little Jewish baby.

Even Shane is confronting romantic problems: His two goth girlfriends from last season — the caustic ones who wanted to get high and have sex with him (together) — have some news: “It hurts when we pee. It could be nothing, or it could be chlamydia.” Uncle Andy walks in on the three in the bathroom, “Dancer and Prancer” on their knees inspecting Shane’s object as he shines a spotlight down there. “On the one hand, I approve of the triangular formation and the daring use of spotlight … ” says Andy. But he’s a sort-of father now, and needs to be responsible, which means accompanying Shane and Nancy to the clinic. “This is good: No shit, no crying, just a good old-fashioned STD scare,” observes Andy, fatigued from a night of feeding Nancy’s breast milk to the baby.

Which brings us to the show’s latest stellar scene: After the clinic, Andy and Nancy head to a Mexican joint so Nancy can enjoy the “sweet caress” of her first alcohol in a long time. But she forgot to pump and is in pain, so she takes herself into the bathroom. “Andy, can you come in here?” she pleads. “I’m engorged — be the baby, please.” Nancy snaps open her bra. “Okay, lips to nips,” breathes Andy, seated on the toilet, and in he goes, suckling, as Nancy stands there looking at the ceiling. “Spit,” she commands — “you swallowed!” “Well, I didn’t want to be a hypocrite.” And that is why we love Uncle Andy.

Meanwhile, Celia’s inner she-devil is on the rise again. She and Dean, having packaged Silas and Doug’s pot in with the Winter Mist Eyeshadow and waterproof mascara, are the new dealers in town. They make so much in their first sweep that Celia packs up her boxes in Nancy’s garage and heads for a condo with a saltwater pool. It’s enough to make Doug want to sell makeup. Of course, this can only lead to a sordid business deal between Celia, Dean, Doug, and Silas — another sort of family reunion.

The togetherness doesn’t end there. The whole mucky flirtation between Nancy and Andy has been amusing and at times thrilling but, ultimately, a little nauseating. Like watching your parents, you know … Which is why Esteban, when he bursts through the door at dawn to find the two in bed, is not threatened. “I have something to tell you: Marry me.”

We end on the front lawn, sun shining, Esteban declaring his love — a declaration which, sorry, needs a little more substance, because didn’t he rape and threaten to kill Nancy (and didn’t she beat him and tell him that his son will not know him)? And then there’s a shoot-out: A stranger aims at Nancy, who is bundled up by the Mayor. But the family does not escape unharmed: “Mom,” Shane whimpers, hand on shoulder, blood seeping through his T-shirt. So much for normalcy.

Weeds: A Crying Shane