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13 VMA Highlights That Don’t Feature Kanye West

By now, everyone and their mother has commented on the standout moment of last night’s MTV Video Music Awards. That moment, of course, was when Kanye West did the right thing by interrupting Taylor Swift’s dreadfully boring acceptance speech, thereby vilifying himself and anointing Swift as America’s Newest Sweetheart™ in the process. However, considering we spent three and a half hours actually watching the rest of the broadcast, your friendly Vulture editors would like to walk you through thirteen other moments that history will likely not remember, but which we certainly do! So won’t you join along for our slideshow of iPhone screengrabs, which includes everything from Lady Gaga’s bloody pupils to Beyoncé’s Fallopian tubes?

There were lots of hot-looking couples at the VMAs last night: Beyoncé and Jay-Z, Pink and her ex-husband Carey Hart, and Billie Joe Armstrong and his wife, Adrienne Nesser, all come to mind. For our money, though, Lady Gaga’s red-hot make-out session with Kermit on the red carpet took the cake.
Speaking of (not-so-hot) couples, it was very nice of Katy Perry to bring a gay vampire as her escort to the show.
We quite enjoyed Madonna’s touching remembrance of Michael Jackson, but we’ll admit that it didn’t quite affect us in the same way it did Pete Wentz. So solemn!
Speaking of Wentz, we always knew he was a little shaver, but we never realized that he could literally fit in the pocket of Cobra Starship’s lead singer.
So, how about that Michael Jackson tribute? We thought it would’ve been WAY more impressive had MTV decided to spring all those Filipino inmates who performed the “Thriller” dance while incarcerated and fly them to New York. Especially when they couldn’t even recruit a dancer who could do the “Smooth Criminal” lean without bending at the waist like an 80-year-old man.
We’re not quite sure why the director kept cutting to this angle throughout the course of the show when MTV couldn’t even find four seat-fillers to sit in the front row.
We’re still not entirely sure if Taylor Swift’s performance of “You Belong With Me” was pretaped, or if it was performed live, but either way, it was one of the most joyously exuberant performances in the history of the VMAs. Call us cheesy if you must, but we got goosebumps!
There’s no denying Beyoncé looked radiant last night, but we couldn’t help but break out into a full-blown laughing fit every time they cut to shots of her in the audience, mainly because Lady Gaga looked so hilarious sitting behind her.
Nice bird’s nest, Gaga! Oh well, there was one great thing about her headdress: it kept Perez (mostly) out of this shot of Beyoncé winning Video of the Year.
Lady Gaga’s Karo-syrup soaked rendition of “Paparazzi” was one of the more theatrical performances in the history of the VMAs, but we especially dug the closing shot that recalled Alan Ball’s True Blood vampires who cry blood.
We think Diablo Cody said it best on Twitter: “I think I just saw Beyonce’s Fallopian tubes.” Even Bruce Springsteen thought this was going too far!
The clips of Tracy Morgan training alongside Eminem for Best New Artist were pretty great, despite the fact that they sort of lacked context in the greater scheme of the show. That said, how can you deny the power of Cyndi Lauper and Tracy singing a duet of “Time After Time”?
Were MTV’s security people asleep at the wheel last night, or what? Of course, everyone knows what happened with Kanye and Taylor Swift, but lost in the shuffle was Lil Mama storming the stage to get some face time near the end of “Empire State of Mind.”
13 VMA Highlights That Don’t Feature Kanye West