mourning wood

Adam Lambert Nixes Simulated Fellatio, Fails to Shock Early Show’s Septuagenarian Audience

After ABC decided that their viewers couldn’t stomach acts of mock fellatio before they get a chance to properly digest their breakfast, Adam Lambert and his crack team of guyliner technicians hightailed it over to CBS this morning for an interview and performance on the decidedly older-skewing Early Show. Although the CBS headlines trumpet that Lambert “offers no apologies” for his sexually charged AMA performance that so thoroughly freaked 1,500 people out that they felt compelled to call their local affiliates to complain, a closer read of Lambert’s comments show that he has spent some time practicing his responses with some sort of crisis-management flack over the last 24 hours or so.

Here is the interview that we’re speaking of:

Seeing as how we spend a great deal of our day following the media machine, we suspect most of the soundbites will probably focus around Lambert’s claims that he’s “not a babysitter, [he’s] a performer.” However, what we found to be more telling were Lambert’s comments that his AMA performance “got the most of me” and “was not what I intended.” Oh, come on, Glambert, we all know your performance was EXACTLY what you intended. We understand that your team is savvy enough to get you to say that shoving your male dancer’s head into your crotch “came from an improvising place” (so as to give ABC culpable deniability if the FCC decides to freak out about this), but we’d prefer it if you just owned up to the fact that you wanted to push people’s buttons. Playing humble in the face of controversy is certainly the safe move in this situation, but we were hoping that he would be a little more defiant about his right to receive fake BJs during his live performances, especially considering that his new songs are a bit on the bland side and could certainly use some spicing up.

To wit, here’s a fairly boring live performance from Lambert that could’ve been improved with some mock fellatio (or even regular fellatio):

Adam Lambert on ‘The Early Show’ re his AMA performance: ‘I did get carried away, it was not what I intended’ [Watching TV/EW]

Adam Lambert Nixes Simulated Fellatio, Fails to Shock Early Show’s Septuagenarian Audience