In the pantheon of famous celebrity body parts, James Lipton’s beard is nearly as iconic as Bette Davis’s eyes, Jennifer Lopez’s butt, or Noel Gallagher’s unibrow. However, thanks to a startling new series of commercials for a mobile-phone provider in which the hyperbole spewing host warns teens against the dangers of sexting, we found ourselves shocked to learn that his pencil-thin facial scruff is … gasp … totally fake! We haven’t felt this betrayed by spirit gum since our beard fell off during a tenth grade production of Fiddler on the Roof. Between this and Bon Jovi’s recent appearance on Inside the Actor’s Studio, our onetime feelings of adoration and respect for the man have been replaced by an overwhelming vibe of creepiness. Just us?