It’s a rainy day in Los Angeles, and despite the fact that we’ve been told for days that there are FOUR storms headed our way (the kind of warnings that have us all stocking up on water and snacks as if we’ll be trapped in our homes by a few rogue clouds), Twitter rumors have it that the Golden Globes red carpet does not have any kind of protective cover. This can only mean one thing: Ryan Seacrest’s hair will need to be greased to the nines, rendering it impervious to weather. It might also mean that anyone who wears feathers will smell like wet animal all night. Thank God the bar is open, and heneforth, so is our live-blog. Onward to the shenanigans:
6 p.m.: Giuliana’s Pamela Rolland dress seems to be made out of aluminum. Ryan talks about the Glam Cam 360, where 48 cameras will capture their outfits and spin them around and “really see the fashion.” That WOULD be a first for an E! telecast.
6:02 p.m.: Ryan rags on Giuliana’s posing, calling it contrived. We love him for it, even though he did ORDER her to pose, and so it WAS contrived. We also get our first shot of the outdoors, and it’s dotted with umbrellas along what DOES appear to be a red-carpet whose first portion is indeed uncovered. Fun fact: Ryan Seacrest pronounces it um-brella.
6:03 p.m.: Ryan wants to know what kind of havoc this weather will wreak. Ryan speaks for us all. “It’s NOTHING, it’s a little rain, we’re not M&M’s, we’re not going to die,” coos Sofia Vergara from Modern Family. Ryan suspects some stars might be worried about melting. Is he concerned, or implying that Meryl Streep is secretly the Wicked Witch of the West Coast? Our pick would’ve been Giuliana.
6:05 p.m.: Ryan and Giuliana have an awkward bit where he rags on her for being covered in glitter, and then they pretend they’re all kidding and everyone’s happy and that they love each other. It’s not awards season if we’re not fascinated by the fake smiles and undercurrent of hate between these two crazy kids. Get a room already!
6:06 p.m.: Jennifer Morrisson, who is always the first person at these things because frankly otherwise I think we’d forget about her entirely, is wearing a dress that is the color of wet unbleached paper towels – except also not as ugly as that description sounds. She loses us completely, though, when she tells the world not to drink soda. You will pry the Diet Coke from our cold, dead hands. Our cold, dead, under-a-dry-roof-in-comfortable-clothes-HA-TAKE-THAT-LADY dead hands.
6:11 p.m.: We get a break in which we learn all about celebs donating money to Haiti, which is legitimately awesome. Gisele Bundchen apparently forked over more than a million bucks of her own money, and Madonna is challenging all her celebrity pals to do the same. Good for all of them. It’s nice to see these people who are blessed with so much stepping up to help people who are suffering through so much.
6:16 p.m.: We thought Lisa Edelstein was Anna Kendrick. This might be because she looks very pretty this evening in a cleav-tastic silver halter dress, and she usually looks like she got dressed in the dark. Her curly hair is also holding up nicely in the rain: well done, Lisa.
6:18 p.m.: Cory Monteith from Glee looks seriously cute in his tux, but E! would rather show us Olivia Wilde in her very sexy metallic Gucci number. We kind of get it: a tux is sort of a tux. Unless the dude has accessorized it with a hat made of bananas or some such, show us the ladies.
6:20 p.m.: Jane Lynch! She looks great in an olive-green halter, but it’s so weird not to see her stomping around in an Adidas track suit.
6:23 p.m.: While Ryan is yapping to Ricky Gervais, the E! cameras cut to Sofia Vergara, wearing a gray and burgundy Carolina Herrera, with a HUGE BOW on her bum. We might like it? We’ll get back to you. Lauren Graham also wandered by in a candy-pink satin number that we only saw from the boobs up, so a verdict is forthcoming on that, too, although it made us want to chew some Hubba Bubba.
6:28 p.m.: Mickey Rourke is in a hat, with his new fiance. This is one time when his offbeat fashion sense comes in handy. He did just reference his “underwear crawling up [his] ass” in reference to nerves last year about being nominated, and I think Seacrest almost fainted at the imagery.
6:29 p.m.: Mad Men’s Elisabeth Moss has bangs, which has shocked Giuliana, who mentions that Elisabeth hated Peggy’s bangs last season. But those were BAD bangs. And so might these be; they’re sort of sparse and spiky. Her dress is pale blue and diaphanous, enough for us to wonder if we can start a pregnancy rumor.
6:30 p.m.: Julie Bowen looks pretty in a part-sparkly black shift. But she can’t walk in it – the cameras catch her knocking her knees together and struggling to shuffle to the next photo mark.
6:31 p.m.: Everyone’s having trouble, presumably because the carpet is wet and the ladies are forced to lift their skirts. Jeanne Trippelhorn and Ginnifer Goodwin are chatting to Giuliana together, and just as we say, “WHITHER CHLOE,” they note that The Sev is around somewhere but they can’t find her. Phew. We couldn’t handle a rift between our sister-wives. Ginnifer is wearing royal blue that, from here, looks unflattering to ye olde boobs Trippelhorn is a lovely lady who looks a tad frumpy in her black outfit. For all the money E! must have spent on its Glam Cam 360 thing, hardly anyone has used it yet and it’d be better if they did it with some kind of immediacy. I don’t want to see these ladies’ full outfits 20 minutes after their interview.
6:32 p.m.: Jay Manuel shows a 360-view of Kyra Sedgwick, whom we haven’t seen yet. It’s a black satin fishtail hem with a diamond belt at the waist. The dress itself is nothing we haven’t seen before but the bling does spice it up appropriately.
6:33 p.m.: NPH ALERT! Neil Patrick Harris arrives looking dapper. He cracks about how hard it is to navigate the giant umbrellas. He says he brought one from The Gap, and pimps his directorial debut with How I Met Your Mother tomorrow night. NPH seems charmingly uncomfortable with how much Ryan is mentioning his exploding career, and humbly says it’s been good luck. Pish. You’re talented, dude.
6:34 p.m.: Fergie Ferg is on-site, but we only see her shoulders. They’re nice, for what it’s worth. We also get a peek at Sandra Bullock. She has typically relaxed hair – the kind of ‘do that is loose over half her face – and the bodice is deep purple. We’re sure Ry-Ry will nab her later. Christina Hendricks is up next, in a yellow-beige strapless dress with an explosion of ruffles along the bottom. She is boobalicious, as usual. When you’ve got it, flaunt it.
6:36 p.m.: Emily Blunt (The Young Victoria) is so charming. Her hair is loose and sort of casually wavy, and the dress, peachy-pink. Ryan seems to be doing that thing where he picks up the inflections of her accent and uses them himself. He just said “Victoooooooria” the way she does. She is not walking the carpet with fiance John Krasinski (The Office), and we know this because while she’s interviewed, we see John in the picture-in-picture with Ed Helms somewhere else on the carpet.
6:41 p.m.: Ryan is chatting up Adrian Grenier about Entourage. BORING. WHERE IS JON HAMM?
6:42 p.m.: CLOONEY CLOONEY CLOONEY. We just caught a glimpse of him walking into the venue with his new ladyfriend and a massive gray beard that – we hate to say – totally ages him. We’re going to have to talk about this later, George.
6:44 p.m.: Diane Kruger is wearing something VERY ELABORATE that we can’t really see. It is pink, and there is a lot going on. It might be good, and she might look like a flamingo. Regardless, we wish Lea Michele had worn something equally colorful, as she’s kitted out in a perfectly acceptable but mostly pretty dull black Oscar de la Renta. Girl, you’re so young! TRY COLOR.
6:46 p.m.: The rain is preventing us from getting a decent look at a LOT of people, which is very frustrating, and we can’t tell if Patricia Arquette is wearing something rain-stained or tie-dyed. Knowing her, it could TOTALLY go either way.
6:47 p.m.: E! actually cuts away from Lea Michele mid-sentence to go to Ms Sandra Bullock, who is wearing a very pretty gown that is purple with possibly-reddish undertones, and is…um, TOTALLY SEE-THROUGH AT THE BOTTOM AND THE BACK. GIRL. That seems like a questionable decision.
6:48 p.m.: Chase Crawford is adorable. But couldn’t he have shaved? Fergie-Ferg’s lavender dress is lovely and graceful, with a bejewelled cummerbund, but it’s also VERY much like what I expect a famous person to wear if they’re a bridesmaid in another famous person’s wedding. Gorgeous, but generic.
6:49 p.m.: Vera Farmiga, who just got to make out with George Clooney in Up In The Air, is wearing black strapless blah blah zzzzz and a bun. Actually, okay, there’s textural interest on the skirt. AND she’s panting a bit over George Clooney, so we love her now.
6:50 p.m.: Date night for Fergie and Josh. Ryan is getting her to talk about how she gained 17 pounds for Nine, which is a story we all remember from when it happened a year ago. Yawn. Josh seems kind of bored with being the arm candy. He should suck it up and be happy that she’s still with him. Ooh, apparently they renewed their vows recently. Unspoken: because he got in trouble with that stripper. I kind of wish he’d said that: “Uh, yeah, Ryan, remember the cheating scandal? Yeah, I’m totally trying to make up for that.”
6:52 p.m.: January Jones and her Alice In Wonderland headband has brought her father. Very sweet. She seems like a bit of a pill, frankly. Ryan dispatches with he quickly and we get to see the peekaboo back on her dress. Our reaction: “No, no, NOOOOO.”
6:53 p.m.: Clooney SO has a type: Anonymous foreign brunette who hosts a music-related program in her native land (Elisabetta Canalis hosts Italy’s TRL; one ex, Lisa Snowdon, hosted Top of the Pops in the UK.) So all we have to do is get, like, Guam to hire us to host a pop show and we’re SET. Call us, Guam. On a sober note, George chats about his Haiti donation campaign and praises all us regular folk for digging into our pockets when we’re all totally po’ because of the economy. You’re welcome, George. I mean, Haiti. Ryan bids them adieu and congratulates them in an awkward way that kind of makes it sound like he’s congratulating Elisabetta on dating Clooney. She DOES deserve a pat on the back for that.
6:58 p.m.: Secrest is chatting up Marion Cottilard. We do like her beehive-ish updo, but we can’t – AGAIN – get a great look at her dress. It’s dark, and the top is sort of interesting, and the way she pronounces “Christian Dior” is utterly charming.
7:00 p.m.: Anna Paquin is wearing something very gold and sparkly and low cut, and she just basically told Ryan to shut up when he was needling her and Moyer for details about their engagement. Good for her.
7:01 p.m.: It’s POURING rain and incredibly loud on the red carpet right now. Are people screaming as they attempt not to melt in the rain? We get a quick shot of Drew Barrymore, who seems to have a beige, BeDazzled sea urchin stuck to her shoulder, and another one at her hip. At least her hair doesn’t look like she got shot out of a cannon this year.
7:02 p.m.: Poehler and Arnett! Amy’s in bright red, which looks very pretty on her, but the one-shouldered neckline seems a cut a bit too close to her neck. Nit-picky? Yes.
7:04 p.m.: Julianna Marguiles – whom we love, deeply – is wearing Narciso, of course. The top is sort of metallic red, the bottom is black and it’s all a bit…Star Trek. Not necessarily in a bad way, though.
7:05 p.m.: ANOTHER crack from Ryan about Giuliana. You guys, he seriously hates her. He’s got Tina Fey in the hot seat. She’s wearing something that looks, from the waist down, like a very fancy striped coffee filter. It has a red petticoat and everything. We love you Tina, but…this may be divisive.
7:06 p.m.: We totally forgot to mention that Chloe Sevigny is wearing what might be peachy-nude bedroom curtains. We’d expect nothing else from her, honestly.
7:08 p.m.: Heather Graham looks nice in a very beaded black frock, and we were saying very nice things about her until she shared with us her secret pain: her stomach is TOO FLAT. Oh, the HUMANITY. We assume she also has problems fitting all her cash into her wallet and her diamond shoes are pinching.
7:09 p.m.: Penelope Cruz cracked that, unlike Puff Daddy, she holds her own umbrella. She’s wearing black, like half of everyone is. It’s got what looks like black on black stripes, and black lace up at the top. Our private theory, lately, has been that she’s got a bun in the oven, but it’s hard to tell in this frock.
7:15 p.m.: Kristen Bell is in a cocktail-length white dress, because, she says, she has to be able to move like a tiger! She looks very cute, actually. While she’s chatting, the cameras cut to Zoe Saldana, who is wearing something that looks like curtains from a brothel, except AWESOME. That’s hard to pull off, but she looks hot.
7:16 p.m.: Ryan’s got Mariah Carey, who seems as crazy as ever. It’s refreshing that some things never change. And her boobs, in a black dress with major shoulder pads, are OUT AND ABOUT. She’s explaining to Ryan how much she loves champagne. Honey, we all know.
7:17 p.m.: Jane Krakowski is in a one shouldered purple number that’s very flattering – she sometimes looks a bit square, but not tonight. We also caught a glimpse of Anna Kendrick, who is wearing way too much dress for her tiny little frame.
7:19 p.m.: Amy Adams went with cocktail-length, too, and she looks lovely – a fetching pregnant lady amid all the fetching MAYBE-pregnant ladies. Jon Hamm also makes his first appearance, with his beard in full force. We hope he and Cloons have a beard-off later.
7:21 p.m.: Toni Collette’s glittery gown is on the Glam Cam, but the Actual Broadcast Cam didn’t seem to catch it. It seems familiar, like maybe it’s not the first time we’ve seen it worn somewhere…? And, HA: As if aware of our earlier comment (even though we know he’s not), Ryan rejects an umbrella wrangler, gesturing to his hair and saying, “There’s enough spray in here that it won’t even move.”
7:26p.m.: Courtenay Cox is in black. Are we the only ones who aren’t that enamored of Cougar Town? She is kind of shrill on it. Meanwhile, Jennifer Garner is in a silvery-nude shift looking skinnier than we’ve ever seen her even at the height of Alias. As usual, she’s not with Ben Affleck. We are so OVER their refusal to go anywhere together and/or take photos together. BE PROUD TO BE MARRIED. Damn.
To see all of the looks from the Golden Globes, check out our red-carpet slideshow.
7:30 p.m.: Kate Hudson is in white. It’s another familiar-looking dress, and she’s wearing a TOTAL bitchface. Honey, the rain is no one’s fault. Cool your jets. There’s more tomfoolery between Ryan and Giuliana, wherein he makes her look dumb and she tries to fight back and loses because she’s not witty; Taylor Lautner is caught in the middle a bit, and this turns into him defending taking a date to the Olive Garden. But he and the random girl are “good friends.” Put down the razor blades, Teens of the World. He is single. Giuliana tells him that there are lots of hot ladies on the premises, ignoring that he’s so young that all those ladies could be arrested if they so much as sneeze on him wrong.
7:32 p.m.: C.Cox.Arq’s dress is a very similar, simpler version of Kyra Sedgwick’s – black (or maybe dark brown?), beaded detail at the waist, otherwise very simple. Ryan asks her questions about Cougar Town as though he thinks she invented the Cougar Revolution.
7:34 p.m.: Seacrest chats to Kate Hudson, who can’t bring up too much enthusiasm talking about Nine, even though the words she’s using are “excited” and “fun.” We can’t tell if Kate Hudson’s train is at all attractive because she’s clutching it to keep the dress dry, but it LOOKS rather voluminous. For a second we thought it was the world’s largest purse.
7:35 p.m.: Heidi Klum’s dress splashes out in a giant spiky fishtail. She complains about the stairs they have to climb to get to Ryan. Fair point, although she’s being jolly. Her dress is blue-grey and she still has a little baby weight on her, which is fabulous contrast to Jennifer Garner’s toothpick arms.
7:40 p.m.: Giuliana slobbers all over Mark Wahlberg. His wife Rhea Durham JUST had a baby so she’s not there, but he’s giving her props for taking care of their now four children without turning into a lunatic (okay, we paraphrased).
7:41 p.m.: Mark Wahlberg, we have learned in the last 20 seconds, is really dull. Jay presents Sandra Bullock in the Glam Cam, and it’s even worse than we thought: full in the back, sheer in the sides. She’s got the gams, but it looks ridiculous. I do enjoy the Glam Cam when people strike a crazy pose, though - Heather Graham threw her head back and put her arms in the air like she just don’t care.
7:43 p.m.: Why are we not watching the NBC red carpet? We hear Julia Roberts just said to Billy Bush, “You guys are in the toilet right now!”
7:44 p.m.: Julia is blonde; we’re not a fan of Blonde Julia. We cut to Giuliana, who has Anna Kendrick. She’s having kind of a nutty year – Twilight AND co-starring with Clooney AND a Golden Globe nod? I bet Ashley Greene wants to have her killed. Her dress is white with gold embellishments, and although it’s rather heavy on her, it might be quite pretty. It’s so much easier to see it in photos later. Giuliana tries to flag down Clooney. It’s taking FOREVER and Anna Kendrick clearly wants to die. George appears to be snubbing Giuliana, though, and the whole affair is almost as awkward as that time Ryan chased Brangelina. Anna, to her credit, seems horrified by how this interview just went, but has the good grace not to spike Giuliana’s head off her shoulders like a volleyball. As we go to break, the fool actually tries screaming at Elisabetta Canalis in Italian. STOP. HOW DO YOU HAVE A JOB?
7:50 p.m.: The Red Carpet has cleared off, thanks to the weather, and Ryan has been reduced to interviewing the press corps. Giuliana has snagged Christina Hendricks in a dress she calls, “chi chi champagne,” and is by Christian Siriano. He applaud him for attaching himself to a woman with such a va va va voom body.
7:52 p.m.: Amy Adams, in green, is chatting up Ryan. You can tell she’s not a natural red head, because her hair is considerably less zing-y than it is when she’s not all knocked up.
7:53p.m.: Everyone interesting is totally inside, thanks to the weather. We do spy Rita Wilson, who’s wearing yet another fishtail dress, unfortunately with a pattern that makes her look a wee bit like a sofa.
7:55 p.m.: The red carpet is DESERTED - and soaked. Over on TV Guide, we notice that Carrie Ann Inaba’s dress appears to have hair. Chris Harrison is chatting with Paula Patton and Robin Thicke, who manage to get through the interview without using the phrase, “making sweet love.”
7:58 p.m.: Colin Firth clears up the rumor that Tom Ford called him “fat,” but we fear he’s gotten caps, around which he seems to be having trouble speaking. Oh, COLIN. Why did you change yourself? We loved you, just as you were. And with that, friends, like Seacrest, we are OUT.
To see all of the looks from the Golden Globes, check out our red-carpet slideshow.