Enter the Hilarious World of ‘Beamer, Benz, or Bentley’ and Its Spinoff Songs

And then, a few days after that, Cassidy and Jag put out a spinoff version of “Beamer, Benz, or Bentley” called “Gucci, Louis, Fendi” — a declaration of their preferred clothing brands — which goes like this …

It’s a clever idea, but Cassidy and Jag waste it by sticking with the tired world of luxury brands. We get it, you’re rich — but you’re staying within the mold! Plus, they lift the idea from within the original song anyway (there’s a line in “Beamer, Benz, or Bentley” that goes “if it ain’t the Gucci or the Louis than it’s Polo or it’s Rugby”), so ultimately all they did was add the “Fendi.” Anyway, so, at this point we’ve just got two songs with dudes chanting their allegiances to overhyped brand names, which after a while just sound like mindless consumerist cult prayers. Keepin’ it real!

But then yesterday the never-ostentatious Joell Ortiz came out with the everyman version, “Nissan, Honda, Chevy,” a hilarious freestyle that name-drops Mickey D’s and the Home Depot, and it’s basically the MP3 equivalent of calling someone a blowhard. Or the MP3 equivalent of buying CVS brand and making it look good. Anyway, it’s awesome (the lyrics are, at least — the beepy drone of the original lives on throughout). Take a listen:

Of course, this is just the tip of the iceberg. What’s next in the world of “Beamer, Benz, or Bentley” spinoffs? “Chili’s, Friday’s, Friendly’s,” (alternately, “Denny’s, Arby’s, Wendy’s”)? “Macy’s, Marshall’s, Penney’s”? “Wrigley’s, Trident, Dentyne”? (Haha, no.) “Cristal, Stoli, Henny”? “Guinness, Stella, Natty”? (Nope, that one’s terrible.) “Hi-C, Kool-Aid, Capri [Sun]”? (That one’s perfect, though.) And so on, endlessly, until our mind breaks. Leave a suggestion below if you feel inspired.