As award shows go, the Globes and the Oscars are great and all, but people tend to wear complete outfits to them. By which we mean, things that cover their crotches. Not so for the Grammys, which were held Sunday night in Los Angeles with their typical nutty splendor — and plenty of upper thigh. Bestowing mere “best” and “worst” titles upon Grammy-night attendees is almost too pedestrian; that’s why we’ve slapped ten celebrities with superlatives that are as robust as the ensembles that inspired them. Who, for example, did we dub the evening’s Most Expensive Breakfast Platter? You’ll have to click through the slideshow to see.
This dress obscures Gaga’s lady business by several inches — which, by her standards (which usually involve panties and a peek at her Brazilian), is practically grounds for making her Mother Superior at your local convent. Bonus: If the nuns plop her on top of their TV set, they’ll totally pick up some UHF channels.
We’d have advocated stuffing them into a throw pillow, weaving them into soft coasters, or making a Golden Girls wig — all of which are more appealing options than the one Rihanna chose. It looks like she got TP’d and then glued a hair bib to her chest. Note to RiRi: Next time, avoid clothes that need to be shampooed.
Okay, okay, sorry for the horrendous pun. We’re just so excited that Lea has nailed the entire awards season to date with dresses that wholly befit each occasion. This Romona Kaveza was a last-minute replacement for a white gown Lea realized was sheer, but we can’t imagine anything more perfect: It’s funky, it’s flirty, and it fits like a dream. Now we have to envy her voice and her wardrobe? How is it possible we don’t hate her yet?
The front of Katy Perry’s beige-and-gold evening gown was decidedly demure, making her totally bare back and major side-boob cutouts extra shocking. Well, as “shocking” as it gets when you’re talking about a girl who goes onstage dressed like a banana and is engaged to Russell Brand.
We don’t know if we’ve ever seen Carey Hart out of his racing gear, but he should go formal more often. He and on-again bride Pink look chic, sleek, and coordinated, but have avoided the pitfall of looking too matchy-matchy. As for Pink, it’s a thrill to get this visual reminder of how pretty she really is, a fact that occasionally gets lost when she’s out and about in racing harnesses and hot pants.
This is one mink stole away from being something Krystle Carrington might wear to lord her rich, tan, shriveled husband over all of Denver society. It’s partially fabulous — great color, and like magpies, we love sparkly things — and partly looks incredibly uncomfortable and creased, as if her torso is encased in a hidden cardboard corset that didn’t take kindly to the limo ride. Ultimately, Krystle might not approve, unless it scared Blake out of the bedroom.
Is this a jumpsuit? The question is burning, like a rash. We’ve been looking at Ciara for an hour and we’re still not sure. A futuristic black lace pantsuit is almost always a bad idea; something that makes people furrow their brows and ask each other, “Is that a futuristic black lace pantsuit?” is possibly worse.
Sure, her extensions look ratty and her posture could use some work. Regardless, it’s nice to see Miley working a Herve Leger mini that (a) isn’t your standard-issue bandage dress, and (b) actually seems like something that a 17-year-old girl might pick out for herself. Bonus points for how leggy she looks in it.
You know all that detailing costs a pretty penny — or it would, if Beyoncé hadn’t likely gotten it gratis — which is why it’s a shame it’s all just basically window dressing for a giant plate of Boob Pancakes. Plus, that color on her is as dull as Denny’s china. If only there were a way to connect a Moon Over My Hammy to that chintzy dye job. Go back to brunette, B.
Britney, Britney, Britney. On one hand, we’re thrilled to see La Spears out and about, instead of sitting home on the sofa eating Cheetos and watching the awards like the rest of us yahoos. On the other: OH HONEY NO. Lady Gaga’s got the leotard look well and truly covered, so showing up sans pants just seems desperate and out-of-the-loop. If Britney wanted to recycle, she would have been better off in her red latex catsuit.
