swag

Gifting Suite Gallery: See Stars Grab Free Stuff

Awards season is in full swing — and so, too, is gifting-suite season. Before big events, stars (who aren’t quite famous enough to send someone in their place) line up for complimentary swag, manicures, and makeovers. And all that anyone asks in return is for them to pose for awkward photos wearing uncomfortable facial expressions that clearly say, “I certainly hope no one ever puts this picture into an irreverently captioned slideshow.” Please enjoy Vulture’s irreverently captioned slideshow of celebrities in gifting suites.

“Get me ten cc of free crap, stat!”
“I’m certainly not going to let long fingernails impede my grabbing of free things.”
“I am Iron Man!”
“I’m still waiting for the beard to dry.”
“LOOK AT THIS HAT!”
“Yes, I am giving Eli Roth a complimentary butt massage.”
“And now for my moment of zen.”
“Drink a couple of these and Steve Carell’s movies start to seem funny.”
“My brother gets an Oscar, but I get this T-shirt.”
“One time, at some other gifting suite, I got a free visor that was this big.”
“Matthew Weiner said if I didn’t bring him back a watch, he’d kill Harry Crane and have Don Draper steal his identity.”
“Somebody cut me off before I write another lead role for Megan Fox.”
“Tony hates it when I grow my own eyebrows.”
“I created Mad Men. Hurry up and take the damn picture.”
“I’m not even going to wear this.”
“Will these boots make my sleeves look normal?”
“Where’s my wheelchair, you ask? Hey, look — a shoe!”
“With the XL, you don’t have to wear pajama bottoms.”
“Hey, when are you guys gonna make Ouija Board Hero?”
“The box is almost as loud as my sweater!”
“If I smoke this, can I have another chance on that American Tobacco account?”
“Matt will wear this, right?”
“I think my pen just exploded.”
“When you burn this candle, it smells like cannolis and tanning oil.”
“I don’t even smoke cigars.”
“Tracy likes to drink these at the after-after-after-party.”
“I don’t see what’s so funny about my huge bicep and this bag full of moisturizer.”
“Boy, are my hips cold.”
“Do you ever listen to books on tape? I like it almost as much as reading.”
“I don’t know what this is!”
“These will help me get into character.”
“I support our servicemen and women overseas!”
“Watch me pick up this swag with my butt.”
“I’m the bald guy from Sex and the City, so I’m taking this.”
“This bag will give me something to carry Jeremy Piven’s excuses in.”
“I’ve got three complimentary mustaches in here.”
“This will keep the smoke inside my dorm room.”
“Please, Jesus, let no blog make a slideshow of famous people getting free watches.”
“After I lose this goatee, I can go back through the swag line.”
Gifting Suite Gallery: See Stars Grab Free Stuff