mad men

John Slattery Declares Mad Men Beard War

Two weeks ago, we phoned Mad Men’s Michael Gladis, owner of Sterling Cooper’s finest beard, and had him judge the off-season facial hair of his co-stars. Sizing up John Slattery’s impressive fuzz collection, he told us, “It’s a handsome beard on a handsome man.” So when we ran into Slattery at the Second Stage Theatre’s 23rd Annual All-Star Bowling Classic at Lucky Strike, we asked him to review Gladis’s beard — and he did!

Did you see that Michael Gladis reviewed your beard on our site?
I did! He said something lame, like “He’s got a handsome beard,” or some bullshit. He owes me money. That’s why he said that.

Why did everyone grow a beard during the off-season?
I don’t know! It was a coincidence. A mass coincidence.

Jon Hamm doesn’t have one now.
Lorne Michaels made him shave it. Well, Lorne Michaels has that kind of power. I think he got bullied into it, and I think he shouldn’t have pussed out and shaved the beard. It didn’t make him any funnier. No, I think he did it because he can grow it back in five minutes.

How would you describe your own beard?
Haphazard. It’s all right. It’s better than I thought it was going to be. And it’s warmer than I thought it was going to be. It’s cold in New York! It makes me look like Methuselah. Luckily I’m married already, because it wouldn’t be doing me any favors … I’m not going to go there.

How would you describe Michael Gladis’s beard?
Underachieving and desperate. It’s a dainty beard. It’s so dainty. And he dyes it! I’ve seen him in the chair. I don’t know why he dyes it, but he does. I tell you, he’s desperate. And I don’t know what he’s going to do now. He’s got to shave it eventually. I think that’s why he’s so desperate to grow that underachieving beard. He thinks he looks too young. I wish I had that problem.

Hamm?
His beard is full of testosterone. It’s almost like he’s taking steroids. I think that beard is evidence that Jon Hamm has been using. It’s too much! It goes over his nose! It’s like a Fred Flinstone beard.

Anyone else on the cast who has a really impressive beard?
Christina Hendricks, I think, has a really nice beard. She doesn’t show it much.

Earlier: Mad Men’s Michael Gladis Reviews His Co-stars’ Off-Season Beards

John Slattery Declares Mad Men Beard War