On last night’s Dancing With the Stars, Pamela Anderson and her partner, Damian, shook off last week’s bottom-two placement with a routine about a flamenco dancer who’s in love with a matador, yet is against bullfighting (PETA spokesperson Anderson wouldn’t have it any other way, she tells us). During practice, the couple gets a surprise tutorial by the flamenco queen herself, Charo, whom Anderson greets with an excited hug. (Charo is “a big anti-bullfighter, as well,” says Pamela, to the chagrin of all the matadors tuning in.) Charo, dressed in a red leotard and polka-dot skirt, gets right down to helpful tips possibly scripted by old Love Boat writers she still keeps on retainer: “Pam-el-a, when I teach you flamenco, don’t look down. Anyway, you can not see your feet with your big maracas.” Then we see a shot of those two big sets of maracas, side by side, and it makes for a startling real-life tableau of the two ages of hoochie-coochie.
There’s a chilling aspect to this seemingly comedic segment, because it feels like Anderson is getting an unwanted visit from the Ghost of Bombshell Future. “[Ghost voice.] Paaaaammmellaa, this will be you in 30 years, tutoring a young thing with even bigger breasts, who has an even more tenuous basis for her fame! Ooooohhhh!” There’s a creepy symmetry to Pam and Charo’s stories, va-va-voom careers, and looks (and yes, by looks we mean busts), and while Charo seems to be in exemplary shape for someone nearly 60 years old, Pam could also learn a bittersweet cautionary tale about trying too hard to hold on to your youthful face from this meeting. Though, to be fair, it does look like Charo’s having a blast, even though we worry about her little legs collapsing under all that, er, force.