What Is Sean Combs Best At? A Ranking

With his acclaimed performance in this weekend’s Get Him to the Greek (as Sergio, a megalomaniacal record exec), Sean “Diddy” Combs adds “comedic acting” to a résumé that’s already overstuffed with impressive abilities. He’s been a record producer, a rapper, a fashion mogul, and so many other things that it can be hard to keep all of his various talents straight. Which is why today we’ll attempt to rank, in order from least to most impressive, his top 25 greatest skills. (And if you think we’ve forgotten one of his many abilities — and surely we have — let us know in the comments.) What the hell is Diddy best at?

Diddy may not have followed through on his promise to murder the millions of eligible voters who failed to punch a ballot in the 2004 presidential election, but in a year in which national turnout among 18- to 24-year-olds increased by 11 percent, the impact of his highly visible, much-mocked, semi-idiotic “Vote or Die” campaign was not completely negligible.
Justin’s, Diddy’s Atlanta restaurant, has several five-star reviews on Yelp.
Diddy won positive-ish reviews as an executed murderer in 2001’s Monster’s Ball. Even riskier was his work in 2008’s Broadway production of A Raisin in the Sun, which Ben Brantley hailed as “not the wholesale embarrassment that connoisseurs of schadenfreude were hoping for.”
For his son Justin’s recent 16th birthday, Diddy thoughtfully gifted him with a $360,000 Maybach.
Say what you will about the music, but this album cover is totally awesome.
Diddy was an executive producer of last year’s Biggie biopic, Notorious, which was truthfully not half bad.
Diddy completed the 2003 New York Marathon in just four hours and fifteen minutes. Nothing to sneeze at there.
How good is Diddy in Get Him to the Greek? His co-stars have been talking him up for a year, and today’s reviews indicate that he somehow found it within himself to convincingly portray an amusingly egomaniacal record-label executive.
Despite a name that implies otherwise, Diddy’s Unforgivable actually smells okay. In fact, the best-selling cologne recently won the award for Men’s Fragrance of the Year at the Fragrance Foundation Awards, which is very prestigious.
Damn! Who else suddenly wants to buy some cologne?
Remember the time Diddy’s clothing line was accused of using sweatshop labor, or when Macy’s stopped selling two of his coats because they were made from dogs? Of course not, because Diddy successfully distracted you by doing all of the other things in this slideshow.
Two years ago, when Diddy told Vulture he planned to dress as Pope Ratzinger for Halloween, some snickered. But when he showed up at a club wearing this glorious costume, baptizing dancers with fake holy water from the D.J. booth, nobody was laughing.
Diddy’s hourly all-caps affirmations are a balm to the souls of his 2.6 million Twitter followers. They are also pretty goddamn funny.
Diddy’s been accused of landlord neglect and various assaults, arrested for driving recklessly and with a suspended license, and charged with illegal gun possession and bribery. Still, he’s never once been to prison or agreed to any wallet-busting settlements (though this successful paternity suit couldn’t have been cheap). That’s talent.
Diddy’s annual July 4 white parties in the Hamptons are legendary. Where else can you see Ashton Kutcher dressed like this, besides the Los Angeles Kabbalah Centre?
Ladies, if you should ever find yourself in Diddy’s bedroom, you’ll probably want to clear your calendar. Last February, Diddy made love for 36 consecutive hours, and gave a play-by-play on Twitter.
Remember when Diddy hilariously made that poor girl walk all the way from midtown to Brooklyn to buy him cheesecake? How is it possible that he’s not yet been hired as Simon Cowell’s replacement on American Idol?
What does a vodka company get when they pay Diddy $100 million to endorse their product? He will say things like this: “If you’re not drinking Ciroc, then you’re drinking pee pee.”
While a young record executive, Diddy was basically responsible for launching the careers of Jodeci, Mary J. Blige, and Notorious B.I.G., so we suppose we can forgive him for Mase.
Sorry if this seems obvious, but the man’s a good deal-maker — he’s reportedly worth $350 million. On Forbes2009 list of hip-hop’s top-earning moguls, Diddy placed at No. 2, owing to a finely tuned business sense that recently had him unloading 50 percent of Bad Boy Records on Warner Bros. (for $30 million) and buying clothing company Enyce from Liz Claiborne (for a bargain $20 million). And he gets half of Ciroc’s profits just for comparing the vodka’s competitors to pee. Diddy recently announced plans to open his own business school. We’re announcing plans to attend it.
What Is Sean Combs Best At? A Ranking