Inception had a good run. For two whole weeks, people talked about how mind-blowing it was. But then something hit the web so absolutely brain-ripping that it made Inception look like an old man pulling a quarter out of your ear. Dream thievery, eh? Perhaps that’s wild if you haven’t seen the guitar-machine-gun-filled, bullet-stopping, blood-spurting dance numbers of the 2007 Indian box-office smash Sivaji! Watch it below (but only if you want your cerebral cortex to melt): Directed by S. Shankar and scored by Slumdog Millionaire’s A. R. Rahman, the Tamil film stars the incomparably mustachioed Rajnikanth as a software specialist who returns home from a job in the United States to start a charity and ends up fighting corruption — but, my oh my, that’s so just the beginning. Do you like to believe what you see? Then go no further! But if you like to do spit takes and pinch yourself, then watch on, and then read our 25 reasons for why it’s so much more inexplicable than Christopher Nolan’s relatively conventional Inception.
In Inception, all the guns are boring black or gunmetal. Yawn. How ironic that such a dull color scheme would put viewers to sleep — perchance to dream? — owing to insufficient mind-blowing.
There are neither sexy birds nor masks in Inception, let alone combined. Which is odd, because the two are the chocolate and peanut butter of mind-blowing moviemaking.
Let us get this straight: Inception was an entire movie about sleeping and dreaming, and yet no one did so while driving a motorcycle? Was Christopher Nolan even trying?
When we were young, we dreamed of owning a guitar gun that could be summoned with the Force. And yet not one person in Inception did?
A baker’s dozen of blown minds!
Sunglasses were worn in Inception. But did they have cool racing stripes? No. Move to the slow lane, Inception.
Kind of like in The Matrix: Revolutions, but the party’s above ground! Think of the permitting issues! Actually, don’t: Your human brain is unequipped to process such bureaucratic insanity.
Cloak and dagger tricks in movies have gotten predictably and dully high-tech. But this movie flips the script and goes with an old-school peephole. What? It’s like you’ve been tossed in a time machine, brought back to the fifties, given an egg cream at a malt shop, and gotten your mind blown, Eisenhower-era-style!
DiCaprio’s stylist just can’t touch Rajnikanth’s coif and ‘stache. Actually, no human stylist can. This look can only be achieved through artificially intelligent roboshears. Either that, or he brushes his hair with bullets.
This technology was originally developed by Benny Hill to allow him to pinch women’s rear ends. But did Christopher Nolan ever think to weaponize it? No, but Rajnikanth did.
That’s what your face looked like just a few seconds ago, when your mind got blown. Go ahead, look in the mirror, it still looks that way. This is the kind of blown mind that gets real comfortable and sticks around a while.
DiCaprio’s super-secret team of mind-spies included neither cowboys nor Indians, let alone having the two peacefully coexist in the service of protecting a space-age mustache.
The line sung (and translated into subtitles) at this point? “Your fun, love fun, resembles Eddie Murphy’s!” Everything in Inception makes more sense than that.
Not only does he murder an assassin with a no-look shot, he’s dancing in water and his white coat is perfectly dry. Everyone in Inception gets soaked.
Consider the metaphor of virility as he lies in bed and shows his woman just how powerful his literal love gun is. Then consider the fact that he never actually makes love to her, he just fakes it, fully clothed, because his real aim is to filter his sexuality through violence. She must be impressed … but also vaguely insulted, and a touch afraid. That kind of psychologically confused subtext is a recipe for blown minds.
They traveled all over the world in Inception, but you never saw this kind of brain-melting cultural collision.
That is the walking and chewing gun of violence, and yet he pairs the two tasks seamlessly.
If the Phantom of the Opera had shown up in Inception, it would have been an entire subplot, if not the plot. But here, it’s just a thing in the background that Rajnikanth is too busy stopping ammunition with a peeved expression to even notice.
No blue-flame bullet cocktails in Inception. We double-checked.
Dream bigger, indeed, Nolan.
Wait, so when your light-saber-like guitar-gun gets stolen, the case also works as a gun? That’s like an edible banana peel! This really underscores the boring conventionality of DiCaprio’s dream guns.
And it’s not even a gun, it’s a rocket launcher? But the mechanics make no sense! Unless … it makes all the sense in the world! Hold onto your skull, it’s gonna blow!
Study the film closely, and you’ll begin to see clues scattered all through this video: Note the religious murals, which indicate a mind-melting alternate reality, which is so much more complicated than anything in Inception that there’s no use attempting to describe it.