How Don Draper Would Rebrand BP: The Winner!

A big congratulations goes out today to commenter Dantestraw: We asked you to channel the true spirit of Don Draper for the BP account, and Dantestraw knocked it out to win a full set of Mattel’s four Mad Men Barbies. The winning entry, after the jump:

As Don would no doubt tell you, BP’s brand is as done as horsemeat dog food. The only option is a new approach…

(Open on oil-smeared beaches, dying pelicans etc.)

Voiceover: In 2010, a terrible disaster befell America. It changed everything.

(Teary Louisiana fishermen, empty boatyards)

And those responsible pledged not only to fix all the things they’d done wrong, but make sure nothing like this ever happened again.

(Cut to a grave-looking BP man taking off a pair of oily gloves, then a contrite-looking Tony Hayward alongside Obama)

That was us.

(cut to black)

We realized what we had to do was rebuild, from the top down. Listen to those who know us best. Do away with everything that made us what we were.

(Cut to sunrise. Actual footage of focus groups, then a BP logo being taken off a gas station)

We saw that through all of this, one thing didn’t change. And that was America’s need for safe, clean energy from its rich abundance of natural resources.

(Cut to a busy highway, power stations etc)

That’s why we’ve changed. We’ve changed so that safety and responsibility is behind everything we do.

(Man in hard hat, ticking boxes on clipboard)

We’ve changed to bring transparency and openness to our every action.

(Hard hat man shaking hands with inspectors)

And we’ve changed so that the millions of Americans we work with can be sure they aren’t just employees or customers, but human beings.

(Hard hat man and fisherman, laughing together)

We haven’t forgotten our responsibilities to those we’ve hurt. But we’ve remembered our responsibility to America.

(Billowing flag, images of booming industry)

Now, we’re ready to start helping you again. Introducing…

(New logo)

Phoenix Energy. Everything’s changed, but you.

[Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce may need to do some focus testing on that name, though]

Well done! Also, honorable mention goes to MissJ. Gulf Coast savior Kevin Costner would not be amused, but we certainly are:

BP: We almost justified the making of “Waterworld.”

How Don Draper Would Rebrand BP: The Winner!