Nineteen Things You Must Do at This Weekend’s Gathering of the Juggalos

Today saw the kickoff of the 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos, a yearly chance for the face-painted fans of Insane Clown Posse to get together and make Deadheads look civilized. With top musical acts like Coolio, Vanilla Ice, and Psychopathic Rydas, plus a long list of special extra-musical festivities, the Gathering is sure to be one of 2010’s hottest summer festivals. We here at Vulture have looked through the schedule and created this handy guide to the weekend’s must-see events so that you, the aspiring Juggalo, won’t miss any of the action. Crack open a Faygo and click through our slideshow — this year’s Gathering promises to be full of surprises and, of course, miracles.

The Gathering of the Juggalos: also a film festival! The world premiere of Violent J’s new feature-length Western, Big Money Ru$tlas, will take place Friday at 3:30am. Additionally, a screening of his gangster noir classic Big Money Hu$tlas will take place the following morning at the same time.
Juggalettes (the preferred term for female ICP fans) will not want to miss the opportunity to be drenched in Faygo during one of the weekend’s three wet t-shirt competitions. Bonus: Sunday afternoon’s competition will be hosted by porn legend Ron Jeremy.
The face-painted duo who started it all, Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J, will be shaking hands and signing autographs, so don’t forget to pack your limited edition vinyl copy of Carnival of Carnage.
For juggalettes who find wet t-shirt contests too degrading, no fear! There will be two opportunities this weekend for some good old-fashioned hair-pulling oil wrestling. And afterward, competitors can rinse off in the Gathering’s Swimming Hole, which, according to the festival’s website, is “safe for both swimming and drinking.”
Though billed as more of a Q&A session than, say, a motivational how-to workshop, attendees can still probably expect a few wise words from Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J. Maybe they’ll finally answer that age-old Juggalo quesion, “Fucking miracles, how do they work?”
With match titles like “Six Freaks and Two Geeks,” “Barbed Wire Log Cabin of Glass,” and “Ninjas Bring the Weapons,” Friday night’s Midnight Oddball Wrestling event is a must-attend, if only to find out what a log cabin of glass looks like. Also of note is Saturday night’s “Triple Mix Main Event,” which will include an appearance by former child star Todd Bridges.
What’s former MTV star Tom Green up to these days? Performing comedy for Juggalos in a field at 2 a.m. Don’t get comfortable, Snooki.
Maybe the weekend’s buzziest event is Tila Tequila’s live concert debut (!), part of the Gathering’s first-ever Ladies Night, which will also feature a closing performance by Lil Kim.
Vanilla Ice will do a late-night set in the aptly named Freakshow Tent, the perfect follow-up to Tom Green’s performance. The real question is, would Juggalos prefer he perform “Ice Ice Baby” in its classic form or the controversial 2001 nu-metal remake?
Finally, a chance to sing all your favorite songs from Psychopathic Records and Hatchet House in front of a live audience. We’ve been waiting all year to perform “Drunken Ninja Masters” by Dark Lotus.
Clean off that oil and re-apply your clown make-up, ladies, because the 2010 Ms. Juggalette competition happens on Saturday afternoon, immediately following that day’s oil-wrestling competition. We are especially looking forward to the pageant’s talent portion.
The early hours of Sunday morning are jam-packed with Faygo-fueled fun, but be sure to stop by the comedy tent for some conservative humor and watermelon-smashery from Gallagher.
Possibly the weekend’s most dangerous event (not counting Tila Tequila’s earache-promising set), flashlight wrestling will take place in total darkness, to be lit only by lights provided by Juggalos themselves. Be sure to catch WWE legend “Hacksaw” Jim Duggin, plus some guy named Balls Mahoney.
Coolio secured his place in Juggalo Nation with an (slightly misspelled) tattoo earlier this year. It’s the thought that counts, though.
For the aspiring Juggalo who dreams of one day joining the ranks of Psychopathic Records legends like Blaze Ya Dead Homie, Twitztid, and of course, Insane Clown Posse, Sunday’s Open Mic is a chance to show off your skills.
As the name suggests, the final wrestling event of the weekend will feature a feisty bunch of little people throwing chairs, jumping off the top rope, and ram-jamming one another. If there’s a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon, we can’t think of one.
For the past three years, Violent J has hosted a “Beach Boys BBQ Blowout.” He’s switching things up this year, though — Sunday’s BBQ will be soundtracked by the King of Pop. And why pajamas? Well…Why not? There will also be a live “blow out” between two Michael Jackson impersonators, the winner of which, according to the newsletter, may or may not join ICP on their fall tour.
With so much going on, it’s easy to forget the weekend’s main event. As in past years, the Insane Clown Posse will close out the weekend with a middle-finger-waving, face-paint-dripping set of hardcore Midwestern white-man rap that’s likely to waste more Faygo than the rest of the country will consume all year. Photo: Scott Gries
Make sure to take some time out of your busy schedule to enjoy a helicopter ride over the beautiful Cave-in-Rock, IL camp grounds, and admire the sea of juggalos and juggalettes below. This is the perfect opportunity to share a romantic moment with that special someone.
Nineteen Things You Must Do at This Weekend’s Gathering of the Juggalos