Philosophical question: If Gossip Girl is off air, does it no longer exist? Our answer: hell no. Just because The Greatest Show of Our Time has been on hiatus doesn’t mean we haven’t spent all summer scrutinizing the body language, facial expressions, cleavage, and costume jewelry of our favorite Upper East Siders for clues about the upcoming season. In this slideshow, we’ve collected pretty much all of the on-set photos from the past few weeks of filming on the CW series, which returns today. Click on through to see what we think is in store.
This is what it looks like when a summer passes, and you realize you are still on the CW.
But that was more because her stylist continued to force her to wear hair-flattening headgear. Why does Blake get all the volume?
“That mime trapped in a box really looks like he has to go to the toilette. Yikes.”
“Look what Chace left in my purse before I left New York! How did I get through airport security??”
“Bonsoir? I’m wearing too much pants.”
“I notice you are wearing camel hair. My extensions are 30 percent donkey.”
“My dear, I’ve just broken my leg, and you are about to snap your ankle. Painkillers?”
But what to do about all this top?
Yes, it comes in models other than “Smoldering Scowl.”
“You will NOT BELIEVE what Ryan Reynolds, the co-star of my soon-to-be summer blockbuster comic-book adaptation film The Green Lantern, just told me. Over Twitter.”
“Please. Mates of State is like a bullshit Fleetwood Mac knockoff without all the hate sex.”
Blair would never still be wearing gladiators two seasons later. It’s just not honest to the character.
“Blake, if you ever again tell me that Michelle Obama wore a dress better than me, I swear to God I will re-neuter your maltapoo.”
“Psst. I stole these sandals from your trailer. I’m wearing your La Perla thong, too.”
Unfortunately, since she was wearing tap shoes, it was easy for her stalker to trail her.
“If you give me a full-fat Budweiser ever again, you can say good-bye to your dental care.”
Serena is just testing to see if Blair still smells like escargot. (She does.)
You know, where Blair and Serena reenact the opening montage from Friends!.
And apparently his costume budget’s been cut back.
Oooooh. You really are allergic to gluten? My bad.”
“Come on! You have to admit, you lost like seven pounds after that dinner!”
Blair knew something was missing from her outfit. What was it? Oh, yes. Spite.
The next day, that girl decided to treasure that purple handprint as long as it remained on her face.
… just because he knows Penn Badgley won’t get the reference.
“You wouldn’t have bailed on Footloose, too, after seeing the mooseknuckles you got in those dance jeans?”
After chili night, it’s always Rufus.
Since every other character has hooked up with one another, this season is bound to feature a sex scene between him and Chace Crawford. Or at least Matthew Settle.
So do those rolled jeans.
“Wait, they were serious about a Piranha 3-D sequel?”
“LeBron, I told you you’d regret it.”
Despite fan hatred of Vanessa, she is back for another season.
“Oh, how cute. I LOVE him!”
Caught in an unguarded moment, Jessica accidentally reveals the cast drinks something other than Vitaminwater.
“The dog’s trailer is how fucking big?”
Without having to wrestle her first.
This new cast member processes the information.
“Can you believe it’s a job to dress up and look pretty?” “I know! Can you believe it’s a job to hold this giant cheerful umbrella? I get scale!”
Everyone knows sweatshorts are the pants equivalent of cold water. Who forgot his sock? Where is rainbow umbrella guy?
Clearly, she’s going to attempt to buy Columbia students’ friendship with presents. Even Serena is skeptical.
Maybe it’s best to just stick with half of one, in the future.
Why are older women so attracted to me, he wonders briefly, before going for it because like, whatever. Is there something they want from me?
And this woman is certain she has extracted it.
It tastes like sunshine and stale Jäger.
PLEASE. Even if we couldn’t see your chiseled jawline and impressive pectoral muscles, we’d smell the hair product a mile away. Next time try a burqua.
From the way she’s dressed, we can only assume her new plot trajectory involves dating Marilyn Manson.
You have to get through it somehow.
Denied his sock, Penn Badgely asserts virility by making chest hair visible.
After they have sex, Chuck and Jenny realize that really, seriously, they have nothing in common.
“I know. That’s why I’m wearing it to her funeral.”
That’s the only explanation we can come up with for this photo. Either that or there’s an upcoming crossover episode with cast members from The Hills.