Wow, you guys. You really went for it on this, making it extremely difficult to pick just thee winners. But pick we must!
So, congrats to Ididnotsleepwithchuckbass for your robust arrangement of Meat Loaf’s “I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That),” which somehow did not even include an anal-sex joke! Here’s an excerpt:
Kurt’s new man is closeted and wants Kurt to tone it down some, so Kurt sings his verse while staring at himself in the mirror in a series of butch-femme-butch outfits before declaring that he “won’t do that” (butch up or hide himself for his new man). Rachel must choose between her theatrical ambition and Finn/Jesse/New Flavor Man and so declares she “won’t do that” (give up the stage). Variations for other characters: Mercedes having body issues and choosing not to starve herself. Quinn deciding NEVER TO PUT OUT AGAIN (or at least that she will wear a condom next time she does so). Emma not giving up her super-clean OCD ways and J.Crew chic for love. Mr. Schue not giving up his hair product for love. Sue Sylvester not giving up her tracksuits for love, etc.
Feed the Ducks, despite giving Celine Dion credit for “All By Myself,” did an excellent job coming up with a plausible scenario for featuring Other Asian:
Other Asian walks around in the background of scenes of the other characters doing important things and having important moments and generally just getting screen time. He’s singing “All by Myself” by Celine Dion and breakdancing gently while crying a single manly tear. At the end of the song someone else in the glee club turns around from some kind of “we’re special snowflakes” epiphany to ask him if he said something.
Finally, JeSuisLaTV, “Tainted Love” really should be featured on Glee:
The guys realize the Glee-girls have been stringing them along. In the midst of some mid-day bickering in the cafeteria, the guys stand up on the lunch tables bitterly serenading the women with a spirited/sexy rendition of “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell, complete with table-leaps and chair stunts. All ending with the girls pelting the boys with their lunches, sparking a classic high school movie food fight. Did I mention it’s 80’s kickback day at McKinley High?
Seriously, though, so many of these were great (“Dog Days Are Over”! “Show Me Love”! “Turning Japanese”! Paula Abdul!) that we suggest you go read the rest of them.