talking points

The Conservative Messages Buried in This Fall’s Films

Last fall, to much financial and awards success, Disney Warner Brothers marketed The Blind Side to a faith-based audience. This fall, hoping for comparable results, Disney will deploy the same strategy on behalf of Secretariat, its Diane Lane–starring biopic about the Triple Crown–winning horse, opening this weekend. Disney will use this strategy even though, unlike The Blind Side, which was at least nominally about a white Christian family who took in a homeless, African-American football prodigy, Secretariat is not markedly religious in any way. This got us thinking: What other upcoming movies are unnecessarily forgoing their conservative audience (Hey, capitalist mash note The Social Network, we’re looking at you), and could, with a little message tweaking, appeal to states both red and blue? Turns out, lots of them!

Consider the following upcoming releases, all given a conservative spin.

The Social Network
A young entrepreneur starts a business, escapes a liberal university, and fires a Brazilian immigrant.

Life As We Know It
Unmarried, sexually promiscuous adults opt to keep a baby, learning the sanctity of the two-parent family.

Nowhere Boy
A boy is raised in a single-parent household, and consequently becomes one of history’s most dangerous hippies.

A team of elderly operatives expose a CIA conspiracy, shining a light on the dangers of big government and the inanity of Social Security.

Paranormal Activity 2
Family demonstrates essential nature of surveillance cameras in identifying threats.

A trip through an alien-infested Mexico helps underline the importance of tight border security.

127 Hours
A mountain climber rescues himself, without government assistance.

The Next Three Days
Man takes justice, and gun-control laws, into his own hands when big government bureaucracy interferes with sanctity of his family life.

Love and Other Drugs
Viagra drug rep finds love and a fortune, proving our health-care system was working just fine before it was socialized.

The Conservative Messages Buried in This Fall’s Films