We were sort of hoping whoever stole and ransomed Jonathan Franzen’s glasses the other night had some larger agenda. Like, maybe the thief was an Oprah revanchist, a member a fringe group morally opposed to near-sightedness, or at least a stalwart defender of cats’ right to go outdoors? Alas, he was just some party crasher who, unsatisfied and ungrateful after gulping down free Champagne, got bored and made a scene. The thief writes, “If you’re going to gatecrash a party, the highlight of it surely can’t consist of several predictable nervous speeches and vacuous conversations. [Editor’s Note: Yes, it can.] So I decided to do something.” “Doing something” involved hastily drawing up a ransom note, grabbing the glasses while shouting “that I was with Channel 4 doing a comedy stunt,” and then running through a lake, before turning himself over to the police and spending the night in jail. [GQ UK]
