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Gossip Girl Really Wants to Be on Your Arm at the Ballet

We’re still loving this cameo.

This week everyone was getting hot under the collar at all the sexy chair action and enjoying the Non-Judging Breakfast Club (NJBC ™) coming together to do what they do best — kicking the riffraff out of the UES. Conspiracy theories abounded regarding Ben’s connection to Serena while props were also paid to the writers for having a story line last more than two episodes. It remains to be seen just what the terrible trifecta of Little J, Vanessa, and Juliet will try to accomplish next week, but let’s hope they remember that masquerade masks only hide faces, not bad hair extensions! And now, on to this week’s best comments, brought to you by jennerator.

Realer Than Vanessa Being a Social-Network Stalker
• On the plus side, plus 20 to whichever writer is responsible for keeping it a secret why Ben is in prison and hates Serena. It took fewer episodes for Georgina to get pregnant, have the baby, get the birth certificate signed, skip out on said baby, decorate the nursery and leave again. -BLAIRISMYGRACEKELLY

• The way Nate says ‘woodbury commons’ is like he has never heard of it before. so real. +8 - CHUCKISMYPUPPY

• It’s now officially team Non Judging Breakfast Club versus team Poor With Unfortunate Hair. I’m betting on Blair’s evil and Serena’s boobs. Plus 50. -FEED_THE_DUCKS

• When Dan reminded Serena that back when they dated he would have given anything to be with her, “everything” encompasses Cedric and his football sheets. -GIPSYQUEEN

• Why is Dan allowed to be smug and judgmental about Serena’s affair with Colin when he had an affair with Rachel when he was barely eighteen? Oh, right - because “smug and judgmental” makes up at least eighty percent of Dan’s personality. Plus 1 for character consistency. -HANNAH1721

• Of course B is into exhibitionism: her whole life is showing other people she’s better than they are–why shouldn’t her sex life revolve around that too? Plus 5 -HOOKEDONBASS

• Juliet does her own hair? Now it makes sense why she would join forces with Vanessa and Little J, they are forever bonded by their defiance against hair products! Cut to next week on GG: Antoine Dodson joins forces with the girls. However their brilliant plan to take down Serena is foiled when all four characters’ weaves get mangled together due to sheer proximity to one another and you can go run and tell that, homeboy. Plus 3 -IMNOTSLYDEXIC

• Dorota swoops in like an eagle and pulls the ultimate cockblock on Chuck. Blueballs all around this episode! Plus 2 -JNP1013

• “I’m sorry, who are you?” should be written on Vanessa’s tombstone. Plus 10. -KDOW3

• Jenny had her hair pulled back so she looked less like the hot mess that she usually does. Plus only 1 because she still looked like a hot mess. -LAVENDERBROWN

• The look and eyebrow raise Chuck gives Blair under her blanket after Serena exits Blair’s room at the beginning of the episode… plus 50 -LEMONSLEMONSLEMONS

• Only Serena wouldn’t notice an extra person in bed. Plus 3 (some) because I’m pretty sure this happens on a regular basis. -NEVERHAVENEVERWILL

• Blair was gorging on sweets in the bathtub because it’s close to the toilet + 10 -SARCASTICMEOW

• Serena actually believes Colin’s weekend away is an opportunity for them to “spend time on the beach and get to know one another over long dinners.” -1 because it’s November, but +3 because it’s Serena. -SOUTHERNCOMFORT

• No point, just an observation but I can no longer tell the difference between Chuck’s threats and pick up lines. -STARBABY

• Plus 20 for Rufus calling Dan “Daniel” in the exact condescending and judgey tone previously used by both Cece and Lily. He really is an UES housewife now. -STILETTO33

Faker Than Vanessa Continuing to Live Sex-Free With Dan
• Minus 10 for the most unholy trinity ever to be formed in the UES. With all of the weave, navajo spiritual necklaces, and smokey eye going I already feel dirty. -CARTERMYBAZIEN

• Rufus has officially become younger looking than Dan. His skin looks smoother and younger than Milo’s butt (-5) -CHUCKISMYHOMEBOY

• How awkward is Dan and Vanessa’s living situation going to be when he finds out she tried to get Serena expelled? Probably not very, since no one seems to remember what happens on this show from week to week. Minus 3. -EMMYLOSER

• “..would Nate Archibald want to date me if he knew i did my own hair and had ikea furniture i put together myself?” minus 5 points.. you know he dated Vanessa. -FABULOUS_NOBODY

• “You’re about one inappropriate relationship away from the Guinness Book.” Minus 1, there’s already one book in the plot of this episode - don’t confuse Serena unnecessarily, B. -ICH_BIN_CHUCK_BASS

• Dan to Rufus: “You’re right I’ll just find her on campus” okay… a) I like how dan says this like he goes to Columbia and b) yep you would def just be able to walk on up and find Serena on a huge campus and c) have you ever heard of a phone. Minus 5 -JUSTSAYYES

• Why did Juliet need to awkwardly introduce herself to Jenny over video chat like that if Vanessa was sitting right there? minus 2 -KAYTORONTO

• There is no way in hell Vanessa watches “The Today Show.” Like any good hipster, she doesn’t have cable but does share a Netflix account with her roommate while secretly watching “Grey’s Anatomy” on Hulu. Minus 5 -BROOKLYN_FOR_LIFE

• - 50 for Vanessa’s “I’ve been losing to Serena Van Der Woodson for 3 years.” … Did you not hear yourself say that? 3 years of being stuck in a back up plan triangle with Dan and Nate and you blame Serena? Two words: losing battle. 6 more words: they’re just not that into you. -LEXFAR

• I know someone’s said this before but Juliet did that ‘I don’t need to need to look at the phone when I dial numbers like psycho vampire from True Blood’ thing again. Is anyone else this quick at dialing numbers they don’t know? Is there a masterclass I can go to? No points, just saying. -MYSTICAL

• Chuck didn’t say anything pervy about being in bed with Blair and Serena. Minus 4 -PURPLEANDGREEN

• So wait, Juliet doesn’t have money or connections but got into Columbia…wouldn’t that require her to actually be smart? Minus 5. -SPS38

• If I was Colin and left my job only to get dumped hours later by a 19 year old, I probably would have punched Serena in the face. -10 -TAMMYXCORE

• Juliet, Juliet, Juliet…Nate is a stoner. Stoners LOVE bodegas. If you had led with “I live above a bodega”, the whole poor thing would never have been an issue. -1 because, as manipulative as she thinks she is, she ought to have known better -TRUMPETSTRUMPET

Gossip Girl Really Wants to Be on Your Arm at the Ballet