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What Did the Jersey Shore Gang Do on Their ‘Vacations’?

The Jersey Shore kids worked hard this year, shooting two whole seasons of their MTV show — and in different states, no less! That’s like a sweatshop of crass, drunk loudmouthery. They deserved a break, but wouldn’t you know it, when season three wrapped at the end of the summer, these workaholics couldn’t put their feet up: They kept on being crass, drunken loudmouths for the rest of the year, on their own time. Fortunately, even though the MTV cameras were off, the paparazzi cameras were on, so enjoy this year-end look at how the Jersey Shore–ians spent their “vacation.” (Still trying to figure out a good word for time off when the time on is not remotely taxing.) From Snooki experimenting with satellite-dish-size hats to Pauly bonding with Goofy, it’s all here, so jump in!

Related: The Many Faces of Snooki

New cast member Chelsea Handler was immediately rejected when she couldn’t hold her own at Hot Tub Karaoke.
Since “drunk girl,” “slutty girl,” and “crazy girl” were already claimed, Deena Cortese tried on various personalities before the cameras started rolling. Here she is, testing “girl who just came from a prom in 1995.”
Sad but true: partway through rehearsals for Dancing With the Stars, The Situation’s abs became so large that he could no longer stand upright.
Knowing that a bar fight follows Snooki wherever she goes, Jimmy Kimmel kept his hands out and ready to protect his face.
The dinosaur immediately bonded with JWoww over the inevitability of nearing extinction.
Unfortunately, the dinosaur turned out to be like every other guy in Jenni’s life: he mauled her clothes, left her in a DJ booth and escaped through a vent in the ceiling.
Later that night, Snooki started speaking with a cockney accent and telling someone named Dover to move his bloomin’ arse.
Snooki was delighted to realize her childhood dream of meeting Day-to-Night Barbie in person.
Sammi showed Whitney a diet secret: Always point your mouth in a different direction from the food.
Once again, Mike’s drunken friends interrupted his serious lecture on postcolonial theology. Now that’s a situation!
In a drunken attempt to launch a film career, Mike auditioned for the Mickey Rooney role in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
Everything was going well with the old lady from The View until Pauly D grabbed her ass, prompting Barbara’s patented I’m-going-to-kill-you-in-your-sleep smile.
Pauly tested a new simulator at Disney’s hair gel lab and found that his ‘do could remain immobile only up until speeds of 60 mph. “Not good enough!” he shouted. “Work through Christmas if you have to, but I expect you to have me up to convertible speeds by New Year’s!”
Assuming Goofy must be a member of an unfamiliar minority group, Pauly settled on his “black power” pose.
Sammi revealed her meatball-cooking secret: Always make them from pork, so when you stab them with little toothpicks, you can pretend they’re Ronnie’s testicles.
As Pauly was angered by his inability to make a seamless transition into the “Bed Intruder Song,’” his worst fear came true: He was turning into the Hulk in front of everyone.
J-WoWW still isn’t sure where her nun costume went wrong.
At the EMAs, Snooki introduced her new line of accessories made entirely from Pauly’s shaved chest hair.
Mike gives visual proof that he is not a one-trick pony: He can point at himself and other objects.
To honor his half-Italian heritage, Ronnie celebrated his birthday with a giant wheel of moldy Parmigiano Reggiano.
To spice up their relationship, Sammi and Ronny had a five-way with a tattoo artist, a pizza delivery boy and a Nestle Crunch bar.
What Did the Jersey Shore Gang Do on Their ‘Vacations’?