The 23 Worst Ways to Be Killed by Jason Statham
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The Twenty-Three Worst Ways to Be Killed by Jason Statham

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The Friendly Blade

Photo: Lionsgate

Statham tosses you into your friend's ax. (War)

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Jacques Kill-steau

Photo: Millennium Films

Dressed in scuba gear, Statham lies in wait at the bottom of your pool, lures you down, then chokes you to death. (The Mechanic)

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The Flaming Chauffeur

Photo: Universal Pictures

Statham drops napalm on your car. (Death Race)

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The Slide

Photo: Current Entertainment

Statham stabs you in the neck with the slide of your own gun. (Transporter 2)

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Photo: Millennium Films

Statham sticks a snake scope camera down your throat, then plugs up your nose so that you can’t breathe. (The Mechanic)

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The Zap Stab

Photo: Lionsgate

Statham drives an electrified cattle prod through your torso. (Crank 2)

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The Plate-Jumper

Photo: Lionsgate

Statham slams you in the throat with a dinner plate, smashes you into a table, then leaps out a window with you, using your body to cushion his landing. (Safe)

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A Terrible Accident

Photo: Millennium Films

Statham sticks the pull-pin of a fire extinguisher in your face, then throws you from a bus and onto the street, upon which you are run over by a car. (The Mechanic)

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The Pipe Fitting

Photo: Grive Productions

Statham beats you and your friend silly with a long metal pipe, then crushes you under a car lift. (The Transporter 3)

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The Flying Scissor Toss

Photo: Current Entertainment

Statham leaps in through the windshield of your speeding truck, grabs your neck with his ankles, and throws you onto the highway. (The Transporter)

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Holy Knife

Photo: Millennium Films

Statham whacks you with a priest’s thurible to disarm you of your gun. When you come at him with a knife, he grabs your hand, uses it to slice off your accomplice’s hand and stab him, then turns it (your hand, still) to stab you. (The Expendables 2)

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The Crush Cruise

Photo: Grive Productions

Statham stuffs you through the porthole of a dry-docked boat, then knocks the boat over, crushing you. (Transporter 2)

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The Bartender

Photo: Lionsgate

Statham presses on your head until it goes through the bars on a broken door. (War)

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Moby Dead

Photo: Millennium Films

Statham harpoons you in the leg, snaps your neck, then uses you as a human shield. (The Mechanic)

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The Threesome

Photo: Millennium Films

Statham stabs you in the back of the neck, breaks your arm, then holds you in place while Jet Li snaps your neck with his foot. (The Expendables)

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The Checkup

Photo: Lionsgate

Statham crushes your testicles with his bare hands, then jams a needle into your neck. (Crank 2)

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The Railway Bracelet

Photo: Grive Productions

Statham drives his car into your train, beats you to a pulp, ties an explosive device around your wrist, and blows you up. (Transporter 3)

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The Technical Suicide

Photo: Lakeshore Entertainment

Statham hacks off your hand, then uses your own severed hand, which is holding your own gun, to shoot you in the head. (Crank)

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The Snap-Stab-Slice

Photo: Lionsgate

Statham breaks your arm and bends it back to stab your accomplice with your sword, then takes your sword and slices your neck open. (War)

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The Beckham

Photo: Lionsgate

Statham disconnects your severed-but-still-kept-alive head from its life-support system, spits in your face, then soccer-kicks it into a pool. (Crank 2)

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The Stare

Photo: Revolver Pictures Co.

Statham just stares at you silently, intensely, until you freak out and blow your own brains out. (Revolver)

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The Last Embrace

Photo: Lakeshore Entertainment

Statham breaks your neck in midair as you both fall to your death from a helicopter. (Crank)

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The Devil's Haircut

Photo: Millennium Films

Statham punches your head into a helicopter’s tail rotor. (The Expendables 2)


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