I Am Number Four, the movie based on the young-adult book by James Frey, arrives in theaters today. It stars Alex Pettyfer as an alien in high school who falls in love with Glee’s Dianna Agron while he’s being hunted down by another species of aliens, the evil Mogadorians. While Pettyfer obviously makes for a very nice-looking extraterrestrial from the Abercrombie & Fitch interplanetary system, the Mogadorians, not so much. Like all cutting-edge aliens do these days — or at least the ones from Star Trek — the Mogadorians have bald heads and tribal tattoos, but this is not to do them justice. No, to do them justice, you should read how the critics described them (when not busy describing just how much I Am Number Four is a Twilight knockoff). It’s nice to see just how many ways you can say “not particularly original looking alien thugs.” The English language, the gift that keeps on giving synonyms.
Let’s round ‘em up!
“Mogadorians — hideous creatures with tiny teeth and gills and the fashion sense of skinheads.” —Time
“Mogadorians themselves look like rejects with bad makeup from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.” —NYDN
“They’re basically aliens who look and behave like Neanderthals.” —ABC
“How do we know they’re evil? They look like Harry Potter’s Lord Voldemort, bald and in need of tartar-control toothpaste. They dress in trench coats, wear scalp tattoos and favor those high Goth boots kids like so much.” —USAT
“The Mogadorians, a black-trench-coat Mafia with bald heads and tribal tattoos, are on their trail, out to finish the genocide.” — Star Tribune
“OK, technically, the Mogadors aren’t vampires, but they wear black trench coats, have pointy teeth, and only seem to do their dirty work at night — the cover of darkness presumably being as useful for special-effects digitizers as it is for aliens.” —NPR
“Wearing old-style western dusters and slinging guns and monsters, they’re led by the very villainous Kevin Durand, an action movie staple finally in charge.” — LAT