Tireless Charlie Sheen Visits Piers Morgan and Today

Another day dawns in the Charlie Sheen saga, and already there’s lots to recap. Last night Sheen stopped by Piers Morgan, bringing the crazy almost immediately: “It’s been a tsunami of media, and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard.” Morgan asked Sheen if he had ever hit a woman. Sheen replied, “Women are not to be hit. They’re to be hugged and caressed … There was an incident years ago where everyone thought I hit her [Sheen is referring to ex-girlfriend Brittany Ashland]. I was trying to contain her. I had her arms and we both went down to the ground … I felt terrible and delivered her to a plastic surgeon … She was attacking me, though, with a small fork — like a cocktail fork. And she had it with her; that was the weird part. What was she doing with, like, a shrimp fork in her purse? She stole it, clearly. From a buffet.” Yes, that was the weird part, Charlie. Sheen also took back his comments from earlier yesterday (so long ago!) demanding a raise to appear on the tenth season of Two and a Half Men. Then, this morning, Sheen had a new interview on Today, in which he invited NBC’s Jeff Rossen into his house, where he’s living with “two goddesses.”

Today’s Rossen spoke with Sheen about the women: “Everybody’s vote has equal importance, but when we’re approaching crisis, I reminded them I’m 22 years further down the road, and trust me that most of the time — well, in the last few days, all the time — my plan is gonna be the best one in the room. Trust me on that, and everyone will win.” He also spoke about his father, and said of his energetic word choices — Warlock, tiger’s blood, etc. — that “I’m entertained. We’re shaking the tree … I’m grandiose.”

Here’s the full Today segment:

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Here’s a clip of Sheen on Piers:

Also, Chuck Lorre chimed in last night with yet another vanity card. (That break didn’t last long.) It read in full:

Also, Chuck Lorre chimed in last night with yet another vanity card. (That break didn’t last long.) It read in full:

I understand that I’m under a lot of pressure to respond to certain statements made about me recently. The following are my uncensored thoughts. I hope this will put an end to any further speculation.

I believe that consciousness creates the illusion of individuation, the false feeling of being separate. In other words, I am aware, ergo I am alone. I further believe that this existential misunderstanding is the prime motivating force for the neurotic compulsion to blot out consciousness. This explains the paradox of our culture, which celebrates the ego while simultaneously promoting its evisceration with drugs and alcohol. It also clarifies our deep-seated fear of monolithic, one-minded systems like communism, religious fundamentalism, zombies and invaders from Mars. Each one is a dark echo of an oceanic state of unifying transcendence from which consciousness must, by nature, flee. The Fall from Grace is, in fact, a Sprint from Grace. Or perhaps more accurately, “Screw Grace, I am so outta here!”


More soon, obviously.

Tireless Charlie Sheen Visits Piers Morgan and Today