We’re all feeling the giant hole that Charlie Sheen’s firing from Two and a Half Men has left in our hearts. But fear not: Jason Alexander will pick up the slack. Alexander posted a long tweet Monday night, in which he kindly offered to take over Sheen’s role on the hit series:
“Apparently, Charlie Sheen has been fired from Two and a Half Men. As an act of pure selflessness, I would like to volunteer my services to step into his role, so that millions of fans around the world will not be disappointed.”
And to what lengths is Alexander willing to go for the role?
“In an effort to bring a Sheen-esque quality to my portrayal, so as not to disrupt viewer appreciation, I will commence using cocaine in quantities large enough to challenge the national output of [sic] Columbia; fornicate with as many adult film actresses as I can afford - I may throw in underage Thai hookers, as well; commit assaults in four and five star hotels prior to trashing the hotel rooms; and finally strive to alienate and piss off not only my immediate bosses and superiors, but the entire film and television industry.”
“I do this, not for my own joy, but for the benefit of the millions of people who …STILL DON’T SEEM TO HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF FUCKING CHARLIE SHEEN!”
We couldn’t agree more.