Last night, Charlie Sheen broadcast his third episode of Sheen’s Korner on UStream (lugubriously titled “Sheen’s Korner Ep 3: Torpedoes of Truth Part 2”), but you’d be forgiven for thinking it was actually the final transmission from a Middle East dictator driven to his foxhole, still surrounded by a handful of sycophants in his final days. Haggard, chain-smoking, and disheveled, Sheen abandoned any pretense of putting on an actual show and instead taped a ten-minute business call with one of his lackeys; in between increasingly hoarse cries of “Winning,” he attempted to plan a meeting with Jeff Bezos of Amazon.com to discuss his upcoming memoir Apocalypse Me: The Jaws of Life (“Best title ever”). “People need to hear my gold as it rolls out,” Sheen croaked, but hearing it is one thing — seeing him deliver it in such a manic, desiccated state is another thing entirely. (Also, here’s some real talk for the underling whom Sheen is on the phone with: When your boss pauses to improvise the faux-koan “If you own the home in which you own the trashcan, you should never have to empty it, ever, ever, ever again,” the proper response is not “Love it,” or “Awesome, duly noted.” It is “Huh?”)
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