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Gossip Girl Recap Recap: Too Much Is Just the Right Amount

He’s a life ruiner. He ruins lives. Photo: GIOVANNI RUFINO/THE CW

This week’s episode of Gossip Girl was all about Queen B’s pursuit for her own Prince Charming. Serena tried to sabotage Blair’s relationship by ratting her out to Louis’s mother, proving once again that everything on the Upper East Side is as twisted as it seems. Meanwhile, Chuck began his umpteenth downward spiral, Charlie proved herself quite fluent in Upper East Side scheming, and Nate told Raina the truth about her mother. Will Blair go through with the royal engagement? Only time will tell. In the meantime, a recap of the recap, brought to you by alanamarie.

Realer Than Lily Continuing to Shop Despite House Arrest
• Dan takes Charlie to a seminar and a coffeeshop/bookstore. For someone who wants to be a writer, he sure lacks original ideas. +2 for character consistency —NYCGG4233

• After 4 years of dealing with Blair, Serena, Chuck, etc., Vanessa still got played by an outsider who’s been in the city for 5 minutes. +8 —nikole0602

• Charlie has quickly become one of the most likable characters on the show, as her first order of business was to get rid of Vanessa. +5 —apathyonmyside

• Plus a very realistic 10 points for Chuck punching that window. I’ve seen less drunk men destroy inanimate objects over less serious issues than your love getting engaged to a prince (i.e. a guy 5 beers in mutilating a lawn chair because the Phillies lost a game in the play-offs). —brandie_larue

• Plus 5 for the Nate/Chuck showdown. It was almost as good as the Nate/Chuck throwdown in Season 1 when Nate totally mounts Chuck on the hood of that towncar because he’s pissed that Chuck slept with Blair. —JulieFB

• “Acting like Blair never works out for anyone but Blair.” Thank you Eric, at least someone has some sense left. +5 —remembermefondly

• An 18 year old stalker-in-training would totally set up an overachieving dinner and then have an emotional breakdown when she didn’t please her love interest. And then to have her learn from Gossip Girl that Dan can’t resist a damsel in distress? Plus 10 —JNP1013

• Chuck: “I’m Chuck Bass, the love of her life. Anyone else is just a waste of time.” Can I get an ‘Amen?’ Way to stand by your woman, Bass, even if you’re barely managing to stand up straight. That line, paired with the reference to Marie Antoinette role-playing are two of the reasons why CB fans love this OTP (one true pairing) to pieces. Plus 50. —blondphoenixrising

• Plus 10 for Blair finally realizing that no one would ever want to be Audrey when they could be Grace Kelly. —dahlia

• +100 for Chuck’s closing scence. Blood on his hand, and the holding the ring just proved …that as he always does, Bass will rise from the ashes. —bowtiesandheadbands

• Vanessa announced that she’ll be gone next semester, having fallen completely out of favor with all the characters on this show, the audience, the writers, the hair and makeup people, etc. Plus 50 if she actually goes, though I fear the reveal of Charlie’s crazy might somehow change her mind. —emmyloser

• Plus 5 for Blair referring to Chuck as You-Know-Who. Eventually he`ll be The Dark Lord. —schemingwithscones

• Dan referring to Rufus by his rightful title of “Jeeves” and acknowledging what we’ve all known for 2 seasons now: He’s a butler. +15 —kaduzy

• +5 for pill box hats! —wintourwannabe

Faker Than So Much Use of Bing
• Ahhhhhh the Bing reference! I’ve never seen anyone look so insane while talking about pierogis. Next she’s going to be saying she used Bing to research methods of murder/body disposal so she can kill off everyone and live creepily ever after with Dan. No points, just terrified. —malpal

• “Everyone knows that with princes things escalate very quickly.” Not with British princes, am I right Waity Katie? -10 points, slow and steady wins the tiara. —ILUDYTHINK

• So, we are supposed to believe Serena has the Princess on speed-dial? Please, this woman is barely accepting Blair as classy enough. She would never associate with Serena. -7 —chuckismypuppy

• What the heck was Nate doing while the whole drunken exchange between Chuck and Blair was going on?? Applying his makeup? Minus 5—iamdorota

• Louis referes to himself as the prince and the fairy godfather… only -5, because gg is incesturous (see Dan and Charlie) —therealme

• Minus 5 for Blair removing her nail polish as soon as she got home from the party. Minus another 5 for her doing it in her dress and minus yet another 5 for her doing it herself. —AMIBBDOS

• Raina: “I have some work to do back at the office.” WHAT WORK? WHAT IS YOUR JOB? WHAT IS ANYONE’S JOB ON THIS SHOW? -1 because I should be used to this by now. —hazel_is_ugly

• Blair had GLITTER in her hair as in glitter hair spray. B is so much better than that. -50 —theames

• -20 for each episode this season I waited for Chuck to get it together. So disappointed. —gossipmom

• We don’t have time for Vanessa to get out of everyone’s hair. If she doesn’t get her weave under control, the entire cast is going to get lost in there and emerge looking frighteningly like Blair did at the Prince’s party. Minus 5. —brooklyn_for_life

• Hey Serena, remember when you punched Nate’s v-card, when he was Blair’s boyfriend, then ran away? Take off the judgeypants, they don’t show enough leg. Minus only 10, because we all know Serena can’t even spell “hypocrite.” —mockingbird

• -10 for Ed Westwick attending the Christian Bale “The Dark Knight” school of acting. —nymag_fan

• -10 for Chuck thinking Blair would rather be with him than be Princess Blair. With an actual tiara and royal title. —annstarrr

• Minus 10 because Andrew Tyler has got to be the worst undercover PI in history. Even Nate recognizes him. —kdow3

• Given that at least five European monarchies have had family members marrying commoners in the past decade Louis’ family would be throwing Blair a parade for being so much better than what the other royal houses have ended up with. -5. —Vildvittra

Gossip Girl Recap Recap: Too Much Is Just the Right Amount