It’s easy to forget why the Oscars have a reputation for being such a boring, bloated dirge of an awards show. Then you see something like Neil Patrick Harris’ Tony opening number “It’s Not Just For Gays Anymore” and you wonder why everything they air on television isn’t perfectly choreographed, packed with dancing nuns and enhanced with a Stephen Colbert cameo. To kick off last night’s show, NPH implored heterosexuals to temporarily stop getting married in every state and having procreative sex, and instead visit the Great White Way, explaining “Attention every breeder, you’re invited to the theater.” Aren’t convinced? Just ask the straightest people in the world: James Earl Jones, Angela Lansbury and a painfully confused Brooke Shields. There will be liittle to no sodomy required.