Last night’s MTV Movie Awards were, well, the MTV Movie awards: a little sloppy, a little silly, with tons of shameless schilling and the occasional entertaining moment. Between Aaron Sorkin dialogue losing out to a line from Grown Ups, Steven Spielberg sucking it up to promote Super 8, Twilight’s clean sweep, and Jason Sudeikis not bombing while wearing a very shiny jacket, the most enjoyable moment of the whole spectacle — if you don’t count the continued ecstasies of Kristen Stewart’s discomfited facial expressions — was a one-two punch from Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon. Witherspoon was being presented with the “Generation” award. Pattinson, along with Chelsea Handler and Patrick Dempsey, presented it to her. While Dempsey and Handler had prepared their very professional, warm-hearted spiels with enough time to get them on the TelePrompTer, Pattinson did no such thing and read his speech off a handwritten note. Perhaps because his comments hadn’t been vetted, Pattinson made the rare televised mistake of talking about Witherspoon like he actually knew her. The result was a little too personal, a little inappropriate, and contained tons of nervous laughter and an uncensored F-bomb. In other words, Robert Pattinson should give more awards speeches!
Pattinson, after taking some ribbing from Dempsey and Handler about being unprepared and nervous laughing a lot, joked that Witherspoon had cut him out of his first movie, Vanity Fair, in which she had played his mother. He then noted that he had more recently gotten to play her lover in Water for Elephants, he didn’t cut her out, and oh, he got to “fuck” her. The censor missed that one. As he said, Pattinson muffed the punch line of this joke (Witherspoon would later rectify that), but in the process he made himself seem much more appealingly dirty-minded than either have ever seemed before. He then went on to talk about how much Witherspoon likes tequila and make a joke about people being 33 percent lesbian. Inside jokes! Celebrities have them too!
For an awards show, this was all delightfully unhinged (plus, it successfully upstaged Chelsea Handler) and seemed to put Witherspoon in a feisty mood. When she took to the stage, her hair a bit mussed, she immediately corrected Pattinson’s joke, pointing out that he should have said that makes him the best motherfucker in Hollywood. Thinking on her feet, that one. After making a crack at Handler (“Who knows where her mouth has been”) and being nice to Dempsey, Witherspoon decided to drop some knowledge:
“I get it, girls, that it’s cool to be a bad girl. But it is possible to make it in Hollywood without doing a reality show. [Beat] When I came up in this business, if you made a sex tape, you were embarrassed and you hid it under your bed. [Beat] And if you took naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone, you hide your face, people!”
We only assume that Blake Lively was not in the audience at the time. No producer would have missed the opportunity to pan to her reaction.
Here’s Pattinson’s speech, starting around the 1: 45 mark.