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samson
July 29, 2011

Can You Tell the Quality of a Justin Timberlake Movie by the Length of His Hair?

By Amos Barshad

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Photo: 20th Century Fox
Justin, shorn. Photo: 20th Century Fox

At last week’s Comic-Con, the trailer for In Time — a sci-fi thriller starring Justin Timberlake, in which immortality can be purchased — was revealed. Also revealed: Timberlake’s shaved head. Justin’s always had an on-and-off relationship with his lustrous curls, repeatedly bouncing between letting ‘em fly — most recently, for his well-received turn in Friends With Benefits — and chopping ‘em all off. Amazingly, now that JT has amassed a sizable cinematic body of work, it seems a certain correlation has sprung up. Could there really be a connection between the length of Justin’s hair and the quality of the movie Justin’s starring in? Join us, won’t you, as Vulture works out Justin Timberlake’s Samson situation.

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Despite co-starring with Kevin Spacey, Morgan Freeman, and LL Cool J, Timberlake’s first juicy movie role went directly to home release and was widely ignored. Was it because Timberlake starred as an enterprising young newspaper reporter who works up his pluck and guile to reveal a city’s deep-rooted institutional corruption? Or was it because his hair in the flick was kind of short? Let’s explore further. Despite co-starring with Kevin Spacey, Morgan Freeman, and LL Cool J, Timberlake’s first juicy movie role went directly to home release and was widely ignored. Was it because Timberlake starred as an enterprising young newspaper reporter who works up his pluck and guile to reveal a city’s deep-rooted institutional corruption? Or was it because his hair in the flick was kind of short? Let’s explore further.
Despite co-starring with Kevin Spacey, Morgan Freeman, and LL Cool J, Timberlake’s first juicy movie role went directly to home release and was widely... Despite co-starring with Kevin Spacey, Morgan Freeman, and LL Cool J, Timberlake’s first juicy movie role went directly to home release and was widely ignored. Was it because Timberlake starred as an enterprising young newspaper reporter who works up his pluck and guile to reveal a city’s deep-rooted institutional corruption? Or was it because his hair in the flick was kind of short? Let’s explore further.
Timberlake had a supporting role in Nick Cassavetes’s fact-based kidnapping drama, which saw middling reactions both at the box office ($15 million) and from critics. It also saw a shaved head from JT. Very interesting … Timberlake had a supporting role in Nick Cassavetes’s fact-based kidnapping drama, which saw middling reactions both at the box office ($15 million) and from critics. It also saw a shaved head from JT. Very interesting …
Timberlake had a supporting role in Nick Cassavetes’s fact-based kidnapping drama, which saw middling reactions both at the box office ($15 million) a... Timberlake had a supporting role in Nick Cassavetes’s fact-based kidnapping drama, which saw middling reactions both at the box office ($15 million) and from critics. It also saw a shaved head from JT. Very interesting …
Director Craig Brewer was coming off the Academy Award–winning Hustle & Flow when he made Black Snake Moan, a flop that may have stalled out his career (he’ll finally be back with this year’s Footloose remake). And did Justin have a lot of hair in it? No, he did not! Director Craig Brewer was coming off the Academy Award–winning Hustle & Flow when he made Black Snake Moan, a flop that may have stalled out his career (he’ll finally be back with this year’s Footloose remake). And did Justin have a lot of hair in it? No, he did not!
Director Craig Brewer was coming off the Academy Award–winning Hustle & Flow when he made Black Snake Moan, a flop that may have stalled... Director Craig Brewer was coming off the Academy Award–winning Hustle & Flow when he made Black Snake Moan, a flop that may have stalled out his career (he’ll finally be back with this year’s Footloose remake). And did Justin have a lot of hair in it? No, he did not!
Richard Kelly’s Donnie Darko follow-up is possibly the most incomprehensible movie Hollywood has ever made and was seen by roughly seventeen people. And yet Timberlake did not have his head shaved in it. The burgeoning theory takes a hit … Richard Kelly’s Donnie Darko follow-up is possibly the most incomprehensible movie Hollywood has ever made and was seen by roughly seventeen people. And yet Timberlake did not have his head shaved in it. The burgeoning theory takes a hit …
Richard Kelly’s Donnie Darko follow-up is possibly the most incomprehensible movie Hollywood has ever made and was seen by roughly seventeen people. A... Richard Kelly’s Donnie Darko follow-up is possibly the most incomprehensible movie Hollywood has ever made and was seen by roughly seventeen people. And yet Timberlake did not have his head shaved in it. The burgeoning theory takes a hit …
Another giant flop … another non-shaved Timberlake head. And yet: That’s definitely a wig, right? Meaning Justin’s head could have been shaved underneath? Let’s move on. Another giant flop … another non-shaved Timberlake head. And yet: That’s definitely a wig, right? Meaning Justin’s head could have been shaved underneath? Let’s move on.
Another giant flop … another non-shaved Timberlake head. And yet: That’s definitely a wig, right? Meaning Justin’s head could have been shaved underne... Another giant flop … another non-shaved Timberlake head. And yet: That’s definitely a wig, right? Meaning Justin’s head could have been shaved underneath? Let’s move on.
Ooh, that’s some pretty short hair! And guess what? This movie never got a wide release. The theory’s back on track! Ooh, that’s some pretty short hair! And guess what? This movie never got a wide release. The theory’s back on track!
Ooh, that’s some pretty short hair! And guess what? This movie never got a wide release. The theory’s back on track!
Timberlake’s greatest cinematic triumph. And look at all that hair. Timberlake’s greatest cinematic triumph. And look at all that hair.
Timberlake’s greatest cinematic triumph. And look at all that hair.
Animated as Boo Boo, Justin keeps things cropped. Is it any surprise Yogi Bear became a punch line so quickly? Animated as Boo Boo, Justin keeps things cropped. Is it any surprise Yogi Bear became a punch line so quickly?
Animated as Boo Boo, Justin keeps things cropped. Is it any surprise Yogi Bear became a punch line so quickly?
$165 million worldwide. Obviously. $165 million worldwide. Obviously.
$165 million worldwide. Obviously.
69 percent on the Tomatometer. Obviously. 69 percent on the Tomatometer. Obviously.
69 percent on the Tomatometer. Obviously.
Producers of In Time: Is it too late to CGI some hair onto Justin? Producers of In Time: Is it too late to CGI some hair onto Justin?
Producers of In Time: Is it too late to CGI some hair onto Justin?
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