Alright listen up. We got another young girl found dead on Fuller Street. Yeah, I hear you. The third one like this in four days. We got to work this case hard, guys. If we do that we’ll get the sonofabitch. We don’t have much time, but we’ll get this goddamn dog even if it means I get demoted to training new brick heads like you. This has got to stop in MY city one way or the other. And I won’t let another cute, small dog, kill another innocent girl!
God damn it! One-day people will realize the danger of having these animals as pets.
Preliminary reports suggests that the dog slobbered on her…post mortem. One sick bastard. Once again I want to stress caution, in case you encounter this twisted animal.
You should all have the psyche profile on our suspect we received this morning. Use it. It’s fairly standard deranged-psychotic-killer-dog stuff. The concrete evidence we do have: He’s a half-breed Chihuahua. Name: Rico. Origin: Mexico. He was trained at a local adoption center. He has no tags and of course isn’t spayed or neutered. Then again they never are…
Because Rico doesn’t have any tags, the adoption organization didn’t know his background. Call it human error or an inefficiency in the system, either way, he got through the cracks. He’s been on the FBI’s Most Hounded List for over 5 dog years. Moving from one family to the next, always running away. This time he ran his way right into our victim’s heart.
Awareness was our main tool to get the word out about this animal. But today, we go back to old school beat copping. Getting out in the alleys. Canvassing dog parks. Leaning on some crooked vets. Hit a dog spa or two. Don’t be above shaking down a couple of dog treat makers, either. Do what it takes to stop these senseless killings. Period. After that, it’s up to whatever God you pray to. Because no one should have suffered like Halley did.
Rico was given to Halley for her 15th birthday. Treated it well. But to Rico, Halley was just another chew toy. To use and abuse. What really gets me is that she trusted him. She believed Rico was her friend. I mean look at her!
What kind of ruthless sonofabitch looks into eyes like Halley’s knowing he’s going to scratch them out like the fluff from a new La-Z-Boy? I’ll tell you what kind. The murdering kind.
Sure their petite frame and doe eyes make them seem cute, but deep down I know they’re all killers. Some people, some dog breath lovers might say, “Well they weren’t always like this. They were nice once.”
No. They were always killers. We… I…I just didn’t know it yet…
I shoulda known. One of those things was in my house! An English Toy Terrier, in my house! And I bought the damn thing for my daughter. And Sebastian licked my face. It made me love it. And then it went and killed my baby. Is that what you want?
Is that what you want for your little girl? Huh? To find you’re beautiful daughter tied up in a dog leash, dead from having been yapped to death!
I didn’t think so. The best we can do is catch Rico and pry his manicured paws away from the next innocent girl, before we’re prying those girl’s corpses out of the holes Rico digs up.
Then we’ll close this case and find some peace. The wife and I don’t sleep much anymore. How can you when you have to live with the guilt? I suspect none of you do either. But we’ll beat this. We have to. For Halley. For my sweet Emily. Because if we don’t, then we’re just opening the floodgates in our city for kittens, and God help us…parakeets. And I know none of you want to be pulling bloated dead bodies out of birdbaths anytime soon.
We’re in a grim business, but someone’s got to do it.
Now get out there and catch me that sonofabitch.
Mez is a writer living in Chinatown, NYC with his wife where he patiently waits for new DVDs of Hill Street Blues to come out.
The Humor Section features a piece of original humor writing each week. To submit to it, send an email to Becca O’Neal.
