With Eric’s mojo still gone and Pam disappointingly absent this week, the show revealed what’s at its squidgy emotional core: dream threesomes! Well, not just that: Tommy still wants Sam’s love and will go to great lengths to seek it out; ghost spirits have fairly easily fixed psychological problems; Jessica loves Jason; and Hoyt loves … Taylor Swift. With only three episodes left until the finale, the vampires and the witches get ready for another showdown.
Everyone Loves Sookie
Sookie’s seen better days — she barely has a pulse; she won’t drink from Bill’s wrist; and her gunshot wound doesn’t appear to be getting any better. Fret not, gentlemen. While part of me wishes that Sookie would just up and die already, everyone knows that’s not going to happen (although a Sookie-less season five would be something to consider).
When she comes to, Bill is stroking her face gently and Alcide is lurking quietly in the background. Sookie only has eyes for Eric, who’s MIA. Bill gathers his composure and assures her that he will continue the search for Eric, but Alcide provides a voice of reason: This is the second time that Sookie’s come close to death as a result of vampires. Fuck this. Alcide leaves, and Bill follows, off to find Eric.
When Alcide sneaks into bed later that night, Debbie can smell Sookie on him. As he settles in, Debbie stares into the middle distance, glowing with a brief fire.
If last week’s sexy-time romp in Narnia didn’t fulfill your quota for bad TV sex, then you’re in luck. Dream Sookie greets Eric at the door in a red peignoir, and they get to doing what they do best — making sweet, nauseating love. Trouble is, they’re not alone. The King, arms crossed and smirking, watches. She’s dreaming of them both, because duh — she’s in love with both of them! Come on. Sookie gets comfortable on her soapbox, preaching about vampires’ lack of morals and how she shouldn’t belong to anyone. They should love her both or not at all. Bill and Eric, fluid of sexuality and open of mind, are willing to submit, even though there’s really not enough of Anna Paquin to go around. Before this horrible threesome really takes off, Sookie wakes up.
The next day, Sooks has a guest — it’s Debbie, V-ed up, with flowers in her hands. Time for some girl talk. Alcide’s the first man Debbie’s ever loved, and she knows Alcide cares about Sookie, so she just wants to help. Sookie throws some major side-eye, and rightfully so; lest we forget, Debbie broke down a door with a shotgun last season, intent on killing Sookie. Any sensible person would have gotten a restraining order after that, but Sookie proves once more that she’s lacking in the common sense department. After Sookie peeks into Debbie’s mind, she knows that she’s good on her word.
People, Get Ready
After the epic laser tag, Marnie and her coven regroup at HQ. Eric and his bloody snout belong to her now. Unfortunately, she didn’t take the olive branch Bill so kindly offered. Marnie’s plan? To crash the Festival of Tolerance, to show everyone what they’re really capable of. It’s safe to say that Marnie has lost it. When people try to leave, a spell slams the doors shut.
I begin to question Marnie’s intelligence when she is somehow bested by Debbie, who spins a yarn about pledging allegiance to the cause as a cover for Sookie, who is sneaking in through the back. Her reunion with Eric, locked in the bathroom like a cat being litter-trained, is brief, but she gets the info she needs: He’s under a spell, with one mission — to kill the King. Before Sookie even has time to react to this news, Tara’s got a gun pointed at her. After some subtle prodding from Tara, Sooks gets up to speed via ESP: Bill’s at a hotel in Shreveport and everyone’s being held against their will. After a halfhearted charge at Tara, the gun goes off, and in the confusion, Sookie and Debbie escape.*
The Great Pretender
Sam, with his heart on his sleeve, waits for Luna on her couch. Marcus isn’t his problem, but Sam, the perpetual good guy, wants to make it so, because he loves Luna. How better to show that love than running away from it all and taking to the woods? For some reason, Luna agrees with this, and they set up camp on the shores of some gorgeous lake, basking in the glory of escape.
While Sam’s enjoying the great outdoors, Tommy’s writing his good-bye note at Merlotte’s. Marcus shows up, looking for Sam, and Tommy, being a good brother, refuses to divulge his whereabouts. Marcus passes on a message; he’ll be waiting for Sam, tonight.
Never one to miss an opportunity for redemption in the eyes of his big brother, Tommy decides to take one for the team. He shows up in Sam’s place, in Sam’s skin, ready to take on whatever Marcus and his mangy band of werewolves have to offer. Impersonating Sam and walking into a situation like this isn’t the smartest idea, but Tommy has proved time and time again that he isn’t the brightest star in the sky. Marcus wants Sam to stop shtupping his wife, but Tommy swears up and down that he’s innocent. Marcus doesn’t really need much provocation. The beatdown is intercut with a montage of Sam and Luna’s racy tent-sex, until Alcide comes to Tommy’s rescue. He gets the rest of the pack off Tommy — and then things change. Once Tommy shifts back into his real self, Alcide scoops him up like a load of laundry and takes him away.
Running With the Devil
Hoyt’s throwing all of Jessica’s stuff — but not the Taylor Swift CD! — into a box labeled “For You Monster” when the door opens. It’s Lafayette, speaking French, carrying Bad Baby and pointing a gun. “Out my house, you!” says Lafayette. Your house? Eagle-eyed viewers will recognize Hoyt and Jessica’s love nest as the very same house seen in the flashbacks from last week. When Lala begins to shoot, Hoyt takes his leave.
At the Bellefleur manse, Arlene and Terry have discovered that Bad Baby is missing and, like good parents, are freaking out. Sheriff Stackhouse is on the job. Hoyt calls; Lafayette’s got the baby and a gun.
Once they arrive on the scene, Andy, hopped up on V, decides to take charge. Jason tries to reason with him, but the V’s talking now. If Lafayette won’t let him in, he’ll just bust through the door. Lafayette, confused and French, starts shooting, sending both Jason and Andy tumbling out of the house. Arlene and Terry pull up, and when Arlene calls Lafayette by his name, he’s indignant — his name is Mavis.
Never fear, Jesus is here, and ready to work his brujo magic on his possessed boyfriend. Once he works his way inside, he explains the situation to the poor Cajun woman trapped inside Lafayette’s body. What follows is textbook spirit-trapped-on-Earth-with-an-unfinished-mission. Mavis has some things to work out, and Jesus will help, via candles, powders, and lots of Spanish. The last thing Mavis remembers is falling to the floor, a knife in her belly. Bingo! Jesus intuits that her baby must be buried on the property.
Bad Baby is relinquished to his parents, and Jesus puts Hoyt and Jason to work, digging under the tree out front. When they find the mummified remains of Mavis and her baby, it’s time for the spirit to go. Jesus touches Lafayette, and then, in a display of stunningly bad special effects, Mavis leaves his body in hologram form. “Thank you for everything,” she says. “You got it, bitch,” says Lala, and she’s off to the great beyond.
It’s been a long night for Jason, and it’s about to get even worse. Hoyt wants him to deliver the monster box of Jessica’s things to her. Jason’s hesitation is legit: Not only is this not his battle to fight, he knows himself well enough. He is ruled first and foremost by his penis. The kiss Jason and Jess shared after he saved her life was really just a hint at what’s to come. Hoyt insists and Jason takes the box to Jessica. The two Js have a brief conversation that leads to the expected end: hair-whipping sex in the back of Jason’s pickup truck.
The Show Must Go On
Jess has been having a tough go of it; both Jason and Hoyt have kicked her out, leaving only NanFlan as an outlet for her outpouring of angst. When Bill gets back from Sookie’s house, it’s time to go to ground. NanFlan’s not pleased with her new king’s reign. When she finds out that Eric’s missing, she’s pissed; last she heard, he was meeting the true death. Bill wants to cancel the Festival of Tolerance, but it’s not an option. After a verbal spat while Jessica smirks, everyone goes to sleep.
The Festival of Tolerance forges ahead in Shreveport. After a heartfelt speech by the head of the LSU Chapter of the Living Dead Alliance, NanFlan takes the stand. Eric, under Marnie’s command, infiltrates security and brings in the witches, who quickly commandeer the allegiance of the three vampire security guards.
Sookie and Debbie have finally made it to the hotel, and Sookie runs in. As Bill steps up to the podium, Marnie and Eric watch from separate wings. “War can sound a louder call to action than peace,” preaches the King. “Hate can seduce an impressionable mind. We must remain vigilant.” Sookie interrupts from the back of the house just as all of Bill’s human security is eviscerated by the vampires under Marnie’s spell. Mass exodus. Bodies fly into the air as the crowd beats feet for the door. “Run!” cries Sookie.
*Corrected to show Eric did not escape.