In an unsubtle a metaphor as is allowed on network television, Chuck Lorre delivers a final “fuck you” to his former star by having the Two And A Half Men season premiere feature Charlie Harper’s funeral. Deadline reports that the Sept. 19 episode will kick-off with Charlie Sheen’s character already deceased, making me wonder how many takes were ruined by Lorre’s maniacal off-screen laughter. The first episode of the show’s ninth season will also feature visits from Charlie’s ex-girlfriends as they come to pay their respects, after which the house will be put on the market. Ashton Kutcher stops by as a potential homeowner, and will allegedly buy the house by Episode 2. The parade of prospective buyers will include celebrities and stars of Lorre’s other sitcoms, all of whom will undoubtedly have some unflattering things to say about Charlie’s desiccated corpse, which by then will have been permanently mounted in the living room until the day this show goes off the air.