This week, thanks to the Rhodes family reunion in honor of Cece (the secretly ill, former coke-loving disco queen also credited as grandma), commenters became even more interested in the Charlie mystery. Fearful that this story line will come to the inevitable anticlimactic conclusion, commenters made some highly dramatic suggestions, proposing everything from the SWF-esque Ivy not knowing she actually is the mentally ill Charlie, to the possibility that Georgina is really a Rhodes. Also on hand this week: observations about enduring another round of Chair’s excruciating will-they-or-won’t-they Who’s on First? routine; Blair’s seemingly Gaga-inspired maternitywear; Serena’s inability to avoid following in her mother’s romantically tragic footsteps; William van der Bilt’s relentless support of Nate’s delusions of grandeur; and Dan’s Über-late discovery of Twitter’s true purpose, self-promotion and self-destruction. As we prepare for the wave of déjà vu that will overcome us during next week’s tragic car accident, on to the recap of the recap:
More Real Than Lonely Boy Being His Own No. 1 Fan
• “I know Cece has cancer but since no one mentioned her disease by name tonight I’m going to believe she has Benjamin Button disease instead. Homegurl was looking fierce. That steady diet of gin and secrets is doing amazing things for Cece’s complexion. Plus 30.” —FEED_THE_DUCKS
• “If that session is any indication, plus 50 for the future Chuck and Blair couples counseling.” —STILETTO33
• “Rufus is totally comfortable wearing a leisure suit and having a dance party for one. Old habits die hard, especially when you’re a house husband spending your days getting botox and watching “The Chew.” Plus 5.” —BROOKLYN_FOR_LIFE
• “Diana fired the whole Spectator staff except for Nate just a couple of weeks ago. But Nate makes a speech about changing the old ways, and how he might be new but he’s dedicated, to employees who were hired after him and have only known him as second in command at the paper. +10 because two weeks is forever in golden retriever years.” —MAGGIEBEX
• “+5 for the collective sigh of relief to find CeCe had only been starving herself, nothing serious. ‘Oh silly CeCe, just completely stopped eating again! She’s so cute!’” —LILBTHEBASSGOD
• “CeCe calls Charlie ‘Charlotte.’ Plus 4 for WASPy character consistency—no nicknames allowed!” —BRANDIE_LARUE
• “Katy Perry following the Humphrey tweets reveals the true literary value of Inside. +10 for the writers finally coming out and saying that Dan is a bad writer whose audience ideally consists of pre-teen girls.” —APATHYONMYSIDE
• “The look on Serena’s face after ChIvy explains why CeCe passed out was priceless. Pure exasperation—clearly she’s thinking dieting and passing out in the Rhodes family is Old News and not worth talking about (lets get back to my dating life pronto). +10.” —OMFG_IKNOW
• “serena’s thought process for max being sooo different from everyone else that she’s dated…he goes hiking!!! +10.” —ASIAMJR
• “Plus 5 for Chuck and Blair’s dialogue near the end. It’s good to know the writers don’t expect us to buy that they’re over each other—just like disco, they’ll never be dead. (Thanks for the nonsensical material Gossip Girl.)” —JESS108
• “Chuck and Nate sitting on the couch together at the end, both still all suited up? +25 and in the words of Liz Lemon…I want to go to there.” —BASSISBOSS
• “How cute is Sylvia Weinstock, really? +20 because it looked like she had peonies stacked in between the layers of her sketched wedding cake, but -100 because peonies are for Chuck and Blair.” —FANCYONLIFE
• “And who didn’t laugh when Serena said ‘Oh, Max could not be further from the men I dated.’? Ha! Of course she has attracted another psycho-gold-digging-blackmailer, very different from that ex-convict ex of hers and that southern con artist. NOT! No points.” —LN11
• “+ 60 For how meta this episode is. How much you wanna bet that 60% of us commenters are secretly Gossip Girl writers trying to promote their show, because c’mon other then Chuck and Blair it’s these recaps that keep me watching this show.” —AMANDAKATARINA
Faker Than Katy Perry Filling the Void That Oprah’s Book Club Left Behind
• “So let me get this straight. Nate is now the serious businessman, Serena is a writer, Dan is spending his time on Twitter fanboying himself, Chuck is doing yoga and hanging with not prostitutes!/Monkey and Blair’s full-time job is to follow Chuck around and look crazy? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THESE CHARACTERS???? Minus 100.” —UESIDERZ
• “No thanksgiving dinner, no Waldorf dinner, no van der Woodsen diner dinner and most especially no Pie!?! -50.” —ANUNKINDRAVENBASS
• “What is wrong with the real Charlie? Cece was present when she was born, so she must have the proper allotment of fingers, toes, etc., and no obvious birth defects. Did an unfortunate home perm leave her bald? Does she suffer from the shame of psoriasis? Worse, does she have stubby fingered peasant hands? They wouldn’t go so far as to give her, oh horrors, *cankles*, would they? -50, because whatever it ends up being, they will burn off the storyline they have spent months teasing in a few half-hearted episodes, then never mention it again, just like they did with Lily and Rufus’ love child, whatever his name was.” —MOCKINGBIRD
• “Ivy tells Serena, ‘Always leave them wanting more.’ This is the Cleavage Rhombus who has jewelry longer than her skirts we’re talking about here. -5.” —JJOVANA3
• “Dan: ‘I’m not Snooki, I’m a writer.’ You tell ‘em Dan. Sure, you both have undeserved fame and a delusional sense of self-worth, but the poof in your hair is much higher. Kudos. No points.” —IMCHARLIETROUT
• “I thought Max was a fry cook, not the Cake Boss. -5.” —CHUCKISMYPUPPY
• “One night out with Chuck and Dan runs back to his laptop. Rookie. (-2).” —CHUCKISMYHOMEBOY
• “I almost thought Serena was smart with her whole Max entrapment plan, but then I realized that smart and Serena aren’t usually used in the same sentence. Unless you’re trying to come up with words that start with ‘S.’ -ssssseven (for playing with my emotions).” —AMALA83
• “Katy Perry is following a Twitter war revolving around Dan Humphrey? I assume Inside has little to do with cupcakes, hair dye, or faux lesbianism (minus, of course, the awkward threesome in chapter 18). Come on. Minus 5.” —VINCE1178
• “Blair accuses Chuck of going from Charlie Sheen to Charlie Brown. Minus 10 for Chuck missing a golden opportunity to mock Blair for that ridiculous Charlie Brown dress she wore to the Vampire movie premiere in Season 3…” —NURSELUVBASS
• “The scene with Chuck and Blair at the therapist’s was marred only by Blair’s red turtleneck dress, which made her look like a cross between Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and Pippi Longstocking -5. I’m getting tired of complaining about her maternity clothes. At least she wasn’t wearing a funny hat +5.” —MULETTA
• “Serena takes a self-righteous tone when she says she invited Charlie to NY, even though she made Charlie come against her will and Charlie tried to leave several times. Minus 13.” —BLAIRSHOULDBEWITHDAN
• “Maybe it’s because I’m in possession of lady parts and have no interest in the Rhombus of Power, but if anyone replied to a suggestion of baking like Serena did, I’d assume they were somehow enfeebled. Which…is actually about right, so maybe Max was on to something there. Even.” —TRUMPETSTRUMPET
• “But -100 for Chuck thinking Harry Winston actually received the ring, and it didn’t end up pawned by some hobo for a big bag of crack.” —ALLIEC
• “There has been more cake eaten and talked about in the last two episodes than in the whole series. Blair’s shower Tiffany box cake, the Studio 54 cake, Blair’s cake tasting…Who are these girls and what have they done with the people who used to just stare at waffles while nibbling a strawberry? -5.” —PIECEOFBASS
