It’s a little weird that Parks & Rec’s Jean-Ralphio (Ben Schwartz) isn’t on the cover of GQ’s every issue, considering the obvious fact that he is the number one role model for today’s gentleman. I guess an interview is okay for now, until the universe wises up and lets him be the male Oprah he was born to be.
GQ: It’s pouring rain, and you and your female companion(s) are confronted with an enormous puddle. How do you resolve the situation?Jean-Ralphio: In the above question, it was silly to put a ( ) around the ‘s’ in “companions.” There will never be just one female companion. If the honey is wearing a white shirt or form-fitting white jeans, I would say, “Hey baby, how fun would it be to jump in this puddle for a while?” If she’s wearing darker, less see-through clothes, I would take out my (now limited edition) Entertainment 720 puddle cover to protect her from the water.
You can just sense how much more knowledge he has to give us. What if we’re already wearing a hot cologne but then we get offered a spritz of a different one in a shopping mall? What if our fireplace bellows break? What if someone else at the club is wearing the same silk shirt as us? We need Jean-Ralphio’s advice, NBC. Preferably in webisode form.