Photo: Jordin Althaus/FOX
Fox’s The Finder, a procedural spinoff of Bones, airs its second episode tonight. As the title makes clear, this is a show about a man who can, yes, find anything. The Finder is not the first procedural to have a title in this format — there have already been The Closer and The Cleaner, among others — but it does suggest an increasingly literal trend in procedural naming habits. This summer, CBS briefly flirted with calling Unforgettable, its show about a woman with a perfect memory, The Rememberer, and just today ordered a Jerry Bruckheimer pilot called Trooper, about a state trooper. It also suggests a systematic way of coming up with new concepts for procedurals, which increasingly tend to focus on an oddball character with a very special skill. (Using this naming convention, House would be The Healer, Lie to Me would be The Truther, Medium The Dreamer etc.) So, herewith, a list of potential procedurals and their titles. Add your own in the comments!
The Smeller: A man who solves crimes with his uncanny sense of smell — He can smell anything!
The Sniffer: A DEA agent who busts drug rings — with her canine-level olfactory powers!
The Toucher: A criminal profiler who cracks cases — using his extraordinary sense of touch!
The Sitter: A jack of all trades who acts as a “babysitter” for difficult adults — He can take care of anyone!
The Tracker: A bounty hunter who can track anything — even the FBI’s Most Wanted!
The Builder: An architect who makes houses in uninhabitable places — She can build anywhere!
The Minder: A criminal prosecutor who’s totally unstoppable — because he can read minds!
The Taster: A supertaster turned medical examiner — She can taste everything!
The Eater: A competitive eater turned crime solver — He’ll eat anything … for justice!
The Seer: A police officer who solves crimes with his ability to see very far distances — He’s got like 20/-10,000 vision!
The Rearranger: A savant of order helps hoarders start a new life — She can rearrange anything!
The Listener: An outstanding DA who can parse the truth by listening — She listens better than anyone in the world!
The Liker: An autistic child can see the patterns in the order and volume of Facebook Likes — and helps companies avoid bankruptcy!
The Booker: A middle-aged travel agent with a supernatural computer that lets her predict flights terrorists are likely to target!
The Reader: A professor who discovers crimes are being predicted by the books in his library!
The Hater: A sweet housewife who discovers that when she hates someone on first impression … they’re a murderer!
The Observer: A police detective with uncanny powers — of observation!
The Hider: An in-demand P.I. who can hide anything — Even mountains!
The Reassembler: A genius employee of a Scandinavian home furnishing chain makes house calls — He can put together any home entertainment system!
The Talker: A lawyer who can talk anyone into anything — anything!
The Braider: She only needs three items from any crime scene to solve a crime!
The Syncopator: He solves robberies — with rhythm.
Please. Supply your own.