As is Super Bowl tradition, last night’s commercial bonanza included very snazzy and explosion-filled trailers for many of the movies we will be seeing and arguing over in the coming months. This year’s crop of movie ads included two Taylor Kitsch movies (Battleship and John Carter), one regular superhero movie (The Avengers), one teen franchise (the Hunger Games!), one Dr. Seuss movie (The Lorax), and a handful of others (Act of Valor, G.I. Joe 2, The Dictator). But which trailer did it best? Which movie are you now most (or least) excited to see, based on last night’s offerings? Let’s take a look.
Battleship: The special effects still look like another Transformers installment, but do you know what Transformers didn’t have? Tim Riggins, in uniform, punching an alien; Rihanna whispering “Boom” to a control panel; and an excuse to yell random numbers and letters at the screen. (B6! A9!) Still no board game references in the actual dialogue, though.
John Carter: Tim Riggins is in another alien action movie, but this time, he’s shirtless! (And blue! Why is he blue?) Otherwise, this is just more of the same crazy-looking extraterrestrials from the first trailer. But where is Woola? We demand more Woola.
Act of Valor: Best use of “Dramatic Voice-Over Man” all night? This kind of looks like Battleship without the famous people and the aliens, which is to say, it looks like your average guys-in-uniform-fighting-things movie? That lagoon looks nice. Skydiving is cool, too.
The Lorax: Danny Devito. Vampire Weekend. Cute little goldfish things. Sure!
The Avengers: “We have a Hulk.” Robert Downey Jr. is still carrying this franchise on his charming, Iron-clad back — though Chris Evans also gets a disproportionate amount of screen time here. Almost zero ScarJo, except for that round-the-pole kick move, which is pretty badass. Is Ruffalo ugly enough as the Hulk? Discuss.
G.I. Joe 2: Retaliation: Shouts to whichever ad exec realized that all we really want from a Super Bowl commercial is the Rock quoting Jay-Z before firing a dozen rounds of ammunition while bungee-cording down into some sort of fancy party. Also, the samurai swordfight on the side of the mountain looks pretty legit. But where is Joseph Gordon Levitt?
The Dictator: An NBC joke for the 30 Rock set, and then Kardashian jokes for the rest of America. Raise your hand if you laughed at the track scene. [Vulture raises its hand.]
The Hunger Games: Yup, still 100 percent onboard with this.