HOT or NOT? Yvonne’s Guide to Ladybusiness
Hot: Egg whites and berries.
Not: Honeydew swans.
Hot: Insightful questions.
Hot: Strong, beautiful women in power.
Not: Tan lines.
Warning Signs of Struggles With Female Empowerment
It is important to use caution when attempting ladybusiness empowerment. Some early signs of struggle can include emailing creative briefs that consist of the word “No.”, equating your clubbing experiences to a man’s two tours in Afghanistan, and crying about your ex-boyfriend into a cream cheese’d bagel.
More severe caution must be taken if any of the following occur: giving a half-aww to an adorable baby picture, writing songs about climate change, or scaring up a nest of possums with a for-sale sign.
How to Repair a Motorcycle the Chris Brinkley Way
1. Get psyched to depart from the emasculation of your day job as a stay-at-home dad. You can be a real man, repairing hawgs in your garage and intermittently howling like Will Forte’s late Uncle Wolf! Beeeeast.
2. Realize you don’t have any tools or knowledge.
3. TOOL RUN!
4. Change into full leather attire.
5. Oh, you still don’t have tools or knowledge.
6. Hey, Gene.