Wine List, by Gillian Weeks

ROBERT-DENOGENT, Macon-Solutre, Chardonnay, ‘08 - 12/51.00

Approachable, fruit-forward, an instant favorite. Notes of peach and honeysuckle suggest easy drinking but ultimately blindside you with a vicious shot to the ego. Available by the glass.

DOMAINE ROLLIN, Cote d’or, Pinot Noir, ‘07 - 13/58.00

A very popular bottle that apparently every guy in flannel and a beard has already enjoyed. Though it expresses some beguiling tannins, you’ll like it less when you find out it’s served all over Park Slope and a lot of Astoria. Available by the hour, I mean, glass.

DOMAINE LE BRISEAU “PATAPON,” Coteaux de Loir, Pineau D’aunis - 60.00

Complex and contradictory flavors. Dry and fruity. Sweet and acidic all at once. This bottle doesn’t like to “make choices” or “get your hopes up,” although it’s totally fine to bring you to its cousin’s wedding all the way up in the Berkshires and introduce you to people as its “manfriend,” whatever the fuck that means.

MEYER FONNE, Alsace Grand Cru, Riesling, ‘05 - 72.00

Elusive flavors, subtle textures, impossible to describe/reach by phone or email, which is funny considering that it won’t shut up about how awesome the Droid is.

ANGIOLINO MAULE, Veneto, Merlot, ‘10 - 75.00

Pairs well with venison, figs, and douchebag advertising executives from Connecticut, as it turns out.

LES CHAMPS LIBRES “FOUFOUNE,” Crozes-Hermitage, Syrah, ‘10 - 82.00

Ripe, juicy, sloppy, slutty, dirty, herpy.

DOMAINE ALEXANDRE BAIN, Pouilly-Fume, Sauvignon Blanc, ‘09 - 88.00

Poison. It’s fucking poison.

MONTEVERTINE, Toscana, Sangiovese, Canaiolo, ‘06 - 94.00

Now THIS is transporting. A delight for the palate. A bottle of undeniable specialness that rancid succubi couldn’t appreciate anyway.

VIGNETO SAETTI, Emilia Romagna, Lambrusco, ‘09 - 110.00

A superior vintage that is looking great after picking up squash again. Has its shit together now and is finally ready to bring out of the cellar. Totally drinkable for real this time.

PASCAL JANVIER, Jasnieres, Chenin Blanc, ‘10 - 131.00

A great value considering you’re over thirty, Michelle.

When she’s not writing — which is, let’s face it, most of the time — Gillian Weeks actually develops reality shows for a living.  You’ve guessed correctly that she lives in Brooklyn. You can find her sporadic tweets here.

The Humor Section features a piece of original humor writing each week. To submit to it, send an email to Becca O’Neal.

Wine List, by Gillian Weeks