Follow Friday: @thejoshpatten

Everybody is a comedian on Twitter, but only a select few are worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual who consistently makes us laugh, and then display their funniest tweets. If you don’t follow them after you finish reading, it’s fortunate that we have nothing left to discuss.

Josh Patten (@thejoshpatten), as he explains on his Twitter bio, is a son, brother and performer at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York City. Patten was once under the improv tutelage of Zach Woods, who plays the lanky creep Gabe Lewis on The Office. Here’s all you really need to know about the man:

Josh always tries to make new friends.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/196780032096600064”]

Patten is the only one who truly understands what it means when the past makes a phone call.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/88271622989021184”]

He is not picky. Not anymore anyway.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/84282994055061504”]

Your pet can earn his or her keep thanks to Josh’s brutal honesty.

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Patten remembers what Spanish class was like.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/62576274358550528”]

He is smart enough to have figured out why Jesus doesn’t save everyone.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/59272850414116865”]

Patten is the Rob Gordon of Twitter.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/33574853755797504”]

Josh gave us another reason to hate Brett Favre.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/27072402649”]

He is an expert at inventing movies that feature Delroy Lindo for some completely understandable but still strange reason.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/24682805402”]

Josh is also creative in the minstrel arts.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/21324033718”]

Patten tries to keep it old school.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/47695859651063808”]

He’s uncannily succinct in saying what most people do with their lives, particularly stand-up comedians.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/191406120957526016”]

And not even particularly to comedians.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/194882818726301697”]

Josh is a one man DVD commentary.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/197878330643591170”]

Patten isn’t afraid of the stigma in shilling products.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/193924783967174657”]

He understands that toast can be The Worst.

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Josh can’t turn his comedy brain off, even when he really, really should.

[blackbirdpie url=”!/thejoshpatten/status/188098880154505217”]

Roger Cormier would never mess with a cat in space.

Follow Friday: @thejoshpatten