Drew Magary’s highly enjoyable GQ profile of Justin Bieber contains all the anecdotes that you might hope to read when a men’s magazine sits down (or in this case, sits awkwardly across a pool table from) a postpubescent teenybopper sensation. Here’s Magary on Justin Bieber’s physical presence: “His voice is so high, it sounds like a ringtone … His rep says he’s five feet nine, but he looks about four feet four, maybe one hundred pounds.” And on his pre-recording ritual: “We head into his studio, where Aldred greets Bieber and pumps him up for the evening by ripping the sleeves off of his T-shirt while he’s still wearing it.” On things Justin Bieber actually said: “I’m 18 years old and I’m a swaggy adult. Come on, swaggy bros!” The entire thing is worth a read, but Vulture would like to focus on one particular scene, in which Magary prepares to box with Justin Bieber, at the young Canadian’s request. They don’t actually go through with it — Bieber “forgot his equipment,” or, as he puts it later, “didn’t want to get [his] ass kicked” — but this is not the point. The point is that Justin Bieber is super into boxing lately.
That bloody Complex cover, the random appearance at a Floyd Mayweather fight, and now this GQ tête-à-tête — three, as you will have heard, is a trend. His buddies say it’s just a phase, but hear us out: What if Justin Bieber really commits to this hobby? What if Justin Bieber is making preparations for a second career as a boxer? His dad was an MMA fighter! And surely a boxing career isn’t that much more implausible than a reboot as a rapper? (Notes Magary, on Bieber’s flow: It’s “slower than prostate cancer.”) Presumably one or two people would buy tickets to see a former tween idol go twelve (one) rounds against a legitimately trained boxer? Okay, absolutely no one would do that, but what we’re saying is: Justin Bieber’s boxing is a real phenomenon now. So get comfortable with the idea, before he joins some celebrity boxing reality show and things get really out of hand.