Last night on The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert addressed a groundbreaking moment in the confines of sexiness: his inclusion as the first-ever male member of Maxim’s hot list. “I am the Rosa Parks of men that Maxim readers want to see back up that bus,” he exclaimed, “Beep, beep, beep!” And if he’s No. 69, that means he’s obviously prettier than you or your girlfriend … or your boyfriend. And speaking of narcissism, David Hasselhoff gave Chelsea Handler a life-size cutout of himself — probably to admire while wearing Hoff-emblazoned sleepwear; and D.J. Qualls was also generous, delivering a decorative but toxic Queen Elizabeth II plate to Craig Ferguson. Watch our compilation to see what you missed.