Melrose Place premiered twenty years ago this week. Let that sink in for a second, assuming things can still sink in through your wizened, ancient flesh. Twenty years. Was it really that long ago that naive, judgmental Allison and even-more-naive, dumb Billy first became roommates? These are the twenty things we’ll always miss about the greatest apartment complex in TV history.
1. The way Allison used to say “Billy.” (“Biuh-luee,” dismissively. Always.)
2. The show’s sensitive and informative portrayal of alcoholism and addiction. Ha, kidding. Remember when Allison used to chug giant tumblers of vodka?
3. Peter’s suspenders.
4. Billy’s tank tops.
5. Jo’s photography.
6. When Sydney was a high-end prostitute.
7. When Traci Lords brainwashed Sydney into being in a cult.
8. Flannel. Flannel everywhere.
9. Rhonda’s cardio-funk classes.
10. Michael’s unbelievably comprehensive medical practice. Don’t ever go to a specialist — just go to Dr. Michael Mancini.
11. How people kept letting Kimberly back into their lives, no matter how many times she tried to kill them.
13. Jake and Jo’s romantic, spiritual HIV test episode.
14. Taylor giving people pep talks.
15. Everything that was deemed a brilliant idea at D&D.
16. Jane’s undead boyfriend’s hand reaching up through the dirt of his grave, Carrie-style.
17. The endless parade of unhappy pregnancies.
18. Everyone’s astoundingly bad taste in non-main-cast partners. That marine biologist is obviously bad news, Allison! Come on!
19. Megan, Lexi, and Coop. It’s hard being the new characters.