The Colbert Report
You remember the great Olympic story of the man so good at riding a fancy horse fancily that not only did he win a gold medal for fancy horse walking but also other medalist started give him their medals – Ryan Lochte was like, “Here’s my medal and the Lochtey to my heart” – until soon this man had all the medals? Of course you don’t remember, it’s happening right this second to Stephen Colbert and you can’t remember things while they’re still happening. The good news is the USA will win the Olympics. The bad news is Stephen’s neck will break when he puts on all the medals for a photograph.