comic-con 2012

Comic-Con: The Triple-Breasted Total Recall Guarantee

Colin Farrell stars in Columbia Pictures' action thriller TOTAL RECALL.
Colin Farrell in ‘Total Recall.’ Photo: Michael Gibson/Columbia Pictures

Colin Farrell and company are here at Comic-Con to promote their new remake of Total Recall, but Farrell hasn’t yet spoken to the original film’s star, Arnold Schwarzenegger … who’s also here, promoting The Expendables 2. “He doesn’t write, he doesn’t call, nothing,” mock-moaned Farrell today at a press conference. “His phone keeps ringing, and every time it goes to voicemail.”

Were Schwarzenegger to see the new take on Recall, he might be surprised to find that in this version, the movie never goes to Mars, a crucial setting from the original. Still, despite the freshened-up look and plot changes, the filmmakers knew that they had to retain one important feature from the first movie. Well, make that three important features.

“The three-breasted woman!” enthused director Len Wiseman. “Honestly, you can’t have a Total Recall that doesn’t have them. There are too many fans out there [that want that], me included.” He added, perhaps superfluously, “I was fifteen when I saw the first movie.”

Before long, the whole cast was moved to weigh in on the chesty topic, and how could they not? “It’s hard to avoid a third mammary gland,” Farrell piped in cheerfully.

“By the way, anyone who shows up with an implanted third breast gets into the movie for free,” said Bryan Cranston, who plays the film’s villain. “Pass that around.” Done!

When it comes to physical abnormalities on the set of Total Recall, Cranston knows whereof he speaks. “I got pinkeye! In both eyes!” he cried, after a reported asked whether the cast had suffered any action movie injuries. The inciting incident occurred when Cranston had to stage a fight scene in a water tank: “Lovely crew that they were, they heated up the water, but then it became like a petri dish.”

The red-eyed result was apparently gruesome. “He looked like he’d been on a three-day bender in Saigon in 1972,” hooted Farrell.

Leave it to Cranston’s costar Kate Becknsale, though, to have the last word. “That wasn’t pinkeye, that was herpes,” she deadpanned.

The Triple-Breasted Total Recall Guarantee