Last night on Conan, Dax Shepard showed no remorse relentlessly dissing Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger, those “old,” “narcotics”-juicing “zombie” cast members of The Expendables 2, which, disappointingly for Dax and his self-directed Hit and Run, the movie-going human masses had shot to the top of the box office. Whatever their merits, Dax isn’t backing down from a fight. And he’s not scared at all. “There’s no way their tendons are as healthy as those big muscles,” he reasoned, “They’re 70 years old!” Let’s recall, the muscle men did have shoulder surgery simultaneously.
Plus: Straight out of the Alison Janney school of acting drunk, Kirsten Dunst spun around and stumbled along with Chelsea Handler; Sharon Osbourne applauded Prince Harry’s “fabulous,” big, schlong-swinging schtick — “What a life!”; and showcasing some very grand gestures, Kate Flannery and Kristen Bell made dramatic entrances, each bearing thoughtful yet odd gifts for their respective late-night hosts. (Regarding the last season of The Office, Flannery a.k.a. Meredith Palmer would be delighted if her “drunken floozy” image stuck with her forever.) Also, Jake Gyllenhaal’s great theater moment during a showing of If There Is, I Haven’t Found It Yet, involved his benevolent urge to offer a front-row seater a cup of dirty water. Watch our compilation to see what you missed.