Remember how Nick Offerman is the best? Well, later this week, he is auctioning off Ron Swanson’s moustache from last season. WHAT!? WHA!? HMMM!? Nick had the thing expertly shaved off and then had the hairs resembled into a full ‘stache. Said godlike facial hair was then placed on a bust of Nick’s face. The whole thing was then encased in museum-style glass because it is literally work of art. He is calling the resulting stache-ue (nailed it!) the Mustachium (pictured below) and the bidding begins at Thursday’s Because of Ezra charity event. Nick told Vulture: “My mustache and I are tickled pink to have the opportunity to help raise some funds for this great charity…My mature bush is also available by private auction, but only serious bidders (Zuckerberg or Romney) need apply.” If you’re reading this Zucks, if you can’t make the event, bids are also going to be accepted via e-mail at email@example.com. Let’s all put in all of our money to buy this as the official mascot of Splitsider.
In other Offerman news, he is apparently a giant Call of Cthulhu nerd. Call of Cthulhu is a role-playing game based on H.P. Lovecraft’s characters. Cthulhu is described as looking like “an octopus, a dragon, and a human caricature…. A pulpy, tentacled head surmounted a grotesque scaly body with rudimentary wings.” OK, sure. The good people at Uproxx found Nick’s remarkable H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society bio. It goes a little something like this:
Nick worked with Joe Foust to create complete pandemonium in his early games of Cthulhu Lives, but quickly became one of the best players and an indispensible NPC. He won three Black Tentacle awards during his career, playing in seven games and co-Keeping one. He was one of several people to play NPC General Bart Brookstone. Two of his notable Investigator characters were gravedigger Wilbur Morlock from The Ninth Talisman and archeologist Hannibal Callahan from The Epic.
Meaning we could own the moustache of a three-time Black Tentacle award winner.