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Get Ready for the New Show I Was Impaled

Photo: Mike Cline/Wikimedia

Minor cable networks tend to have minor television offerings, but it’s damn near impossible not to be excited about a show called I Was Impaled. Congratulations, Discover Fit & Health, for reaching either a peak or a nadir in concept and titling. The show is indeed about people getting impaled! Over the show’s six episodes, people will get impaled by:

  • An iron spike
  • a french fry (don’t laugh! According to the show’s press release, the fry “rips a man’s esophagus”!)
  • pruning shears
  • a fishing spear
  • a fence post
  • a planter
  • a “foreign object”
  • a bike brake lever
  • a Christmas tree
  • a barbed fishing hook
  • air (don’t laugh, part II: “a man nearly dies after being pumped full of enough air to blow up a thousand party balloons.”)
  • a surf board
  • a stick
  • someone else’s tooth
  • another fence
  • a piece of wire
  • magnets
  • a pencil (“64-year-old woman discovers she has a bug in her ear and a pencil in her brain”)
  • a giant splinter
  • a pole
  • a needle
  • a nail
  • another pole

Do some of these sound like insane stories? Of course they do. Does that make us more comfortable with the idea that we now live in a world where there’s a show called I Was Impaled? Oh, not quite.

Get Ready for the New Show I Was Impaled