“No, no. No. And let’s just say it happened, so what? Who wants to know? Sometimes you let go of stuff … I don’t know, maybe … Yes. OK. Yes, yes, yes. It happened. I was in Thailand, we had an affair. Sweet kiss, beautiful lovemaking.” —Jean-Claude Van Damme, to a particularly tenacious Guardian reporter looking for good dirt on the 1994 movie adaptation of Street Fighter.